AboutDana Q Expertise I can answer all questions related to break-ups - including knowing when it is time to move on, freeing yourself from unhealthy and abusive relationships, coping with the loss of a relationship, and strategies for re-entering the dating scene when you are ready. Please include the age of both people involved in the relationship, the amount of time you have been together, and any misgivings or doubts you have about the relationship so that I may give you the best answer possible. Long, complicated questions aren't a problem - I would rather have too much information than not enough!
Experience I went through a series of bad relationships prior to finding true love with my husband of 4 years. I frequently was the one who ended these unhealthy relationships, including one where I was involved with an emotionally and verbally abusive person.
Education/Credentials Two B.A. degrees - Literature and French
Expert: Dana Q Date: 7/21/2008 Subject: Time to move on?
Question Hi,
I have been in a relationship for a little over a year. Going into the relationship, I knew it would be a bit more difficult than others in the past just because of the nature of the person, but I was still felt very confident in pursuing the relationship. Throughout the course of a year, things have been great, except for a few days when things were just completely not okay. We spent most days together, however it was always difficult for me to see that he loved me. He would tell me often, but other than that, it was difficult to see in his actions. I wouldn't say that I'm a needy person, but I do need reassurance in actions (I've been raised seeing that actions of love are more important that just words of love, and I suppose that's what I'm used to). I tried everything I could imagine to get him to try and show his love, such as showing mine through actions, leaving him alone for a while to hope that he would miss me, being beyond patient with him in arguments- all of which failed for the most part. Because of this, our arguments began to frequent and finally came to a point in recent weeks when arguments seemed to outweigh peaceful moments. Last week, he asked me over and when I arrived he was completely distraught. He wouldn't say much to me, but would just cry. Finally, he asked me if he were to make a decision in this relationship, and later decide it was a mistake, would I be willing to take him back. I told him that I wasn't for certain at the moment, and that I would leave him alone until he knew something for certain. I haven't spoken to him in days, and the uncertainty is starting to wear on me. While I do still feel in love with him, I know it's not fair to me to sit around and wait on a man that may never come back. He is a selfish person, and can sometimes be demeaning. He has told me that he doesn't know if he wants me, but that he only wants time with himself. He acts as if he doesn't even so much as enjoy the compnay of anyone else, and maybe he doesn't enjoy the company of me, in which case I will be more than happy to move on. I'm just so confused by what he asked me to do. Do you think I should give him a set amount of time and then move on, or should I try and talk more with him about this? Based on what I've told you of our relationship, does it seem as if he really loves me, or am I just wasting my time thinking so? I just really need to decide which direction I should go with my life at this point.
Thanks so much for your time in reading such a lengthy question. I truly appreciate it.
Answer Hi Hannah,
Thanks for writing to me. I think you should forget about this. Anyone who tells you to your face that he's not sure he wants you isn't worth your time. It shows he has a complete lack of respect and love for you to say that. Clearly, the only one he really loves is himself. I suggest you let him go enjoy a wonderful romance with himself, and find someone else who will give you the proper love and respect you deserve.
