Expert: ***ERICA*** - 7/18/2008

Question
My boyfriend moved out over the weekend. We have been dating for 4 years and are both 43. After about a year we became an exclusive item.  He has always had his own studio apt but has stayed over with me most of the time.  For the last 6-8 months he has been at my place exclusively.  There is a substantial difference in our income so I paid for my place even though he stayed here. I asked him to help with utilities a couple of weeks ago and he was not comfortable. Long story short, I feel that this is the best for me because I really don't see a future, but I am having a hard time accepting and wanting the break up. I really want to resume what we had. He on the other hand is happy and said he feels less stress.  He is still contacting me somewhat.  How can I help myself to feel good again and move on?

Answer
Hi Veronica,
First of all - congratulations in realizing that it isn't what you want.  Next, you really should try to avoid contact with him because it only makes you feel worse especially when he isn't wanting you back.  Knowing that makes us feel bad about ourselves.  Then, you have to get back to basics.. learning what Veronica likes to do, making new friends, filling up your time with different things, and taking care of you.  Only if and when you start to do this do you begin to recapture your life.  It's normal to miss him and wish things could go back the way that they were, but you obviously weren't happy otherwise there would have been no breakup.  Give yourself some time and most importantly a chance.  It does get better... Unfortunately, time is the only thing that heals the wounds... Warmest Wishes, Erica