How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/acceptance

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Expert: Dana Q - 7/3/2008


Question
thank you for your advice, i simplyhave one last question.  my ex has confirmed that it IS over, and that she doesnt want to ever get back together, and when i asked if shes dating she said "no.  im going out with friends" and the majority of her friends are guys.  this stings my insecurity big time that she  is out having more fun being single than me.  due to me not establishing friends when i moved here, and she was my life, i find it difficult to have that kind of support group so to speak.  my question is how DO i accept that it is over, and not care whether shes dating, sleeping around, havingmore fun that when she was with me etc?  thank you again!

Answer
Hi Jon,

Sorry to hear that you didn't get the response from her that you hoped for.  My first advice would be to distance yourself physically and emotionally.  You need time to heal from this experience.  While staying friends is a nice idea, when one person wants to be more than friends like you do, it's a sure-fire way to prolong the pain.  Don't contact her right now.  Instead, focus on meeting new friends, take up a new hobby, reconnect with old friends, etc.  Do as much as possible to keep yourself busy.  Remember that the more you focus on what's she doing and whom she's doing it with, the less you are able to do to improve your own life.  

Dana Q

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Dana Q

Expertise

I can answer all questions related to break-ups - including knowing when it is time to move on, freeing yourself from unhealthy and abusive relationships, coping with the loss of a relationship, and strategies for re-entering the dating scene when you are ready. Please include the age of both people involved in the relationship, the amount of time you have been together, and any misgivings or doubts you have about the relationship so that I may give you the best answer possible. Long, complicated questions aren't a problem - I would rather have too much information than not enough!

Experience

I went through a series of bad relationships prior to finding true love with my husband of 4 years. I frequently was the one who ended these unhealthy relationships, including one where I was involved with an emotionally and verbally abusive person.

Education/Credentials
Two B.A. degrees - Literature and French

Awards and Honors
Graduated magna cum laude.

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