Expert: ***ERICA*** - 7/16/2008

Question
Hi

My girlfriend found out that her father had been cheating on her mother a few months ago, and it terribly affected her emotionally. And recently she keeps finding more proves that he had several other extramarital affairs. Recently I found out that she had been rather indifferent to our relationship. (We had been REALLY tight together and planning to get engaged soon) I asked her about her indifference yesterday (July 15) and she said she has been indifferent to everyone, and everything. She thinks this is because of her worries about her father's cheating.

She also said it could be because I feel so much more love for her than she does feel for me, and she is frustrated, having tried in vain to love me as much as I love her. She had been putting this in prayers for some time now, in vain.

Her 3rd reason was that her indifference about things could be because of her mood swing, for her period will be due in a few days.

I suggested that we give our relationship a break for a while. She said that what was she had been thinking of, and wants us to spend the break praying to God to give us directions. (She is very religious and had got me in the line too. In fact we had decided to abstain from sex, and her family know all about our relationship)

Now we haven’t communicated since yesterday. How long do you think we can let the break last for? And in what manner can we call it off? Our 13th month anniversary is due on July 19th. We celebrated the 12th month quite well, exchanging a lot of gifts. Should I send her an SMS or not? We jointly have a leadership training class together on Saturdays. Should I go or avoid it? It’s the very last class, after 8 months of it. We normally wait for each other at the parking lot of the church we attend on Sundays, sit together in church, and hang out with her friends after the church service. (I dont know if she would be able to tell her friends that we decided to take a break, lest they get a heart attack! And probably crucify her up-side-down. Should I wait for her this Sunday and subsequent ones? And most imortantly, how do I avoid a possible break up? Wow, lots of questions, right? Looking forward to your assistance! CHEERS!!!


Answer
Hi Abu,
I probably would not send her an SMS at this point in time.  She has asked for some space to focus in on herself and by pushing the issue you may push her far away.  I would allow her the space and try to focus in on yourself.  There is never a guarantee as to what will happen and whether or not this will work out, but she has clearly asked for space.  There is no way to avoid a breakup - 2 people have to want to be together.  I would avoid all contact to give her the space she needs and to make it a little easier on yourself.  Give it a month and then make a decision for yourself.  Warmest Wishes, Erica