Expert: ***ERICA*** - 7/30/2008

Question
Erica--

I'm 23 years old and over the last 24 hours or so (literally), my girlfriend and I have come to the mutual agreement to split up.  She is 22.  We have been dating for almost 8 years.

We made it through so many tough times together.  Her family and my family are from two different worlds.  Her's is from the Ohio/West Virginia border, mine is from the New York area.  When I went to college at Florida State, she stayed down here in Orlando and continued our relationship.  It was a real pain dealing with the 4-hour drive once a month or so, but it was all that we could reasonably do.

We had been talking about moving into a house.  I have significantly more money than she does, and the house was only going to be in my name.  She was really gung-ho about moving in together for the first time until last Friday.  We had a home inspection which only her, my mother, and father were at (I was on vacation).

I was all set to buy this house, but all of a sudden I got the feeling that things weren't working well from her end.  She's always been a person who keeps her emotions buried deep inside until they all just explode out of her all at once.  She didn't seem nearly as excited to see me when I returned from vacation, nor when we spoke on the phone.  For the first time in almost 8 years, it felt like we were just going through the motions.

I do believe that this might be the best thing for her.  I was all set to propose to her once we moved in together.  I know that she is the one for me, and I really believe that she is my soulmate.

I'm an emotional guy and have spent the last half day or so just sobbing in bed.  I know I have to get up and do things eventually, but it's been so long since I've been a "free agent" in the dating world that I don't even know where to start.  I don't even know if I want to start.

Like this subject line says, Britney is the only girl I've ever known.  I was 15 when we started dating.  I never thought this day would come, and it sort of blind-sided me pretty quickly.

It feels really sad that I'm coming to some random website and asking some random person that I know nothing about advice for what direction to turn my life in next, but I don't even have a compass anymore.  I literally feel like a broken man.

Thanks for your help.
--Adam

Answer
Dear Adam,
As you never thought you would come to a random website - I never thought that I would volunteer for one so we are on the same page...

Endings are sad... beginnings are scary.... everything in between is comfortable.... The 2 of you have an enormous amount of history and beautiful moments that you should treasure for a lifetime, but people change..... As we get older: things change, situations change, and unfortunately... feelings change.... Maybe you aren't ready to date and that is ok... Maybe you have to take some time to figure out exactly what it is that you want to do and what your goals are... this is a great time to rediscover yourself...
You have to start with the basics and take baby steps like.. eating, sleeping, showering, working, etc... then little by little you add things to your life.... I know the pain that you are feeling it rocks us to the core of our being.... But, the only thing that heals us is time... there is no real fix that makes us feel better... sure there are a lot of quick fixes, but dealing and feeling the sadness, hurt, and pain is really the only way to get through it... You are in a fabulous state with a lot of things to do and see... I love Florida... Start a great new life for yourself and the pain starts to subside little by little... you go through cycles... sadness, anger, bitterness, etc... but... you do grow from it... and its better that the 2 of you recognized all of this before it went even further.  It's very hard and very sad, but making a decision to get through it starts the healing process... Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica