Expert: ***ERICA*** - 7/8/2008

Question
I fell for a Man i work with indirectly. Six months ago, we went out on a few dates, things where going pretty good, so I asked him what he wanted out of this, he told me why don't we be friends for now and see where this goes. I think i pushed him away by asking him to soon.  After that we talked everyday for 6 months. Everyone was asking him what was going on, he was adamant we were just friends, everyone was telling him that he's stupid and what a great girl I am. I developed strong feelings for him over this time. One night we went out and he confessed his feelings for me (he brought it up), but he told me he just didn't know how it could be that we can be good friends on one hand and have romantic feelings for me on the other. I told him that I felt the same way but last time I said something I had pushed him away, so i told him he had to decide what he wanted. In the mean time we planned to attend a work function together. We went together, shared a tent,and had a really really great time.  Obviously one thing led to another so it was time to ask him again what was going on. Again he told me the same thing, he really likes but can't figure out what he wants.  He told me that he had been hurt in the past and has severe commitment issues.  About 1 month ago, litteraly the night we got back, I asked him to stop calling me so I can get over my feelings for him then maybe we can be friends (like he wanted). I thought he would realize what he is losing and commit to a relationship. We have breifly talked, for work reasons, but lately it's getting less and less and I hurt more and more and can't understand how someone can feel one thing and act a differnt way. I respect my decision because I respect myself BUT I miss him and I am having hard time getting over him. Is it really over??? Do 33 year old Men realize??? If not, I will take any advice to get over this man.  Help.

Answer
Hi Sandy,
This is a common situation where the man gets to have his cake and eat it too and he really just isn't that into you.  If he was he would be willing to take the chance and willing to try things.  Men really don't worry about ruining a friendship.  If he is a true friend - you will salvage the friendship, but in order to really be friends you have to accept the situation for what it is and get over him.  Otherwise, you are never going to be able to "just be friends."  If he wanted more he would have or will let you know.  But, you have been doing very well for a month so please don't weaken and settle for less than what you deserve.  You are way ahead of the game by realizing that you have more self respect and deserve better.  I absolutely applaud that.  It is true that men can be fearful to enter into a relationship, but if they are really really into the other person they take the risk.  So, don't you want to be with someone who is crazy about you and you are crazy about them?  You should never settle, but in order to really move on you have to accept that he just wasn't that into you...... Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica