Expert: ***ERICA*** - 7/23/2008

Question
Hi Erica...

I am having a tough time moving on.  In my head.. the break-up is the best thing.. It's just that I am having a tough time having my heart catch up with my head.

The reason why I ended my relationship is because the man I was seeing had serious trust issues with me.  He couldn't trust that I wanted to be with him..

It all started a few years ago.. when he really liked me and chased me.. but at that time I was only interested in friendship with him.. because I just got off a serious relationship.. and I wanted to be fair to him.. But then a few years later.. he started to grow on me.. so we did date.. but he kept jerking me around... bringing up the trust issue.. So i decided to call it quits...

The thing that bothers me is when I don't pay him attention he sends me e-mails.. or buys me gifts.. initially i used to fall for it.. but now I'm just fed up..

The thing that also really gets me is that I feel like I was played for a fool... I can usually spot "the player" from a mile away.. and that's where I want them to be.. I don't find them attractive at all because I don't find them real.  But this guy appeared "real" to me.. he was open about how he felt about me.. he didn't hold back.. and has friends.. he was a great guy.. So I honestly thought his feelings were for real.. But now I see that he is a player.. not in the traditional sense.. but he is.  Now I see that the only reason why I "got to him" a few years ago is because.. I didn't fall for him right away... no matter how much he chased me... But then when I expressed a real interest in dating him.. he kept jerking me around..

In the end I know he is not the guy for me... I deserve much more.. He has even moved away .. and chances are I will never see him again.  But for some reason.. I am still having trouble moving on.. I am still attracted to him..  I also feel like telling him what I've just told you..  But I know there's really no point...

What's the best way to move on.. do away with any feelings for him... so he can really fade into memory?

Answer
Hi Sudha,
Isn't it interesting that some men are much more excited about the chase than the actual catch??? These men typically end up alone or with someone that they never do catch.... very lonely, unfulfilling and sad.  Time is the only thing that will help your heart catch up with your head.  It is so cliche' but so true.  There is no better way to move on than to fill your life with things that you love, make a great life for yourself, and surround yourself with wonderful people.  It's normal to still be attracted to him and wanting to talk to him, but is there really anything that you are going to get from that?  Continuous contact just delays the healing process.  It hurts to the very core of our being, but we all deserve to be with someone who thinks the world of us and we of them.  Breakups are never easy, but congratulations on figuring out that he just isn't what you really want.  Warmest Wishes, Erica