Expert: ***ERICA*** - 8/6/2008

Question
I've known my bestfriend for 3 years and we've been together as a couple for 5 months. He asked me to marry him in the early months of our relationship and i said yes because i was so in love with him, but we told only our closest friends. But recently ive been finding out things about him that show me how unstable and insecure he is and i really don't think he'll be a good husband. I've kinda harbored this fear for him for a while now and i think i don't love him anymore. If i stay in this relationship i will lose 90% of my friends over a guy i don't even love anymore. Honestly, i want to break up with him, but i don't want to hurt him because i don't want to lose him either..
what do i do?! how do i let him down easily?? help ASAP PLEASE!! this is killing me! =[

Answer
Hi Amy,
You have to do what is best for you and if you aren't in love with him and don't want to marry him you must break things off regardless if you are going to lose friends over it.  If they are your "true" friends then they will respect your decision - there is no way that they should dictate how you live your life.  And never marry someone that you are not in love with because you will be much more miserable than you are now.  But, you can't be selfish either.... you can't stay with him because you don't want to be without him.  That isn't fair to either of you.... be firm, don't give him false hope, tell him how much you value the friendship, give him space to get over the hurt, don't contact him for awhile, and tell him that hopefully in the future you could be friends.  It is impossible to be friends right after a breakup.... because one or the other wants more than a friendship.... To marry someone or even commit to someone you have to connect on 3 levels.... emotionally, mentally, and physically.... without those ingredients it won't work..... You must be true to yourself and the sooner the better.... Warmest Wishes and Good Luck, Erica