Expert: ***ERICA*** - 8/3/2008

Question

Hi,thank you for reading.


Me and my bf have been together a year. We love and care about each other very much but I have depression  and when Im down, I let myself be dependent on him or very distant. I havent been single in years and its not fair on him to have an unstable gf .I felt very guilty for bringing him down.

He insists he still loves me and wants us to be back together once im stable and feel im ready. I am working on myself now, but I worry that because we decided to stop all contact,we may lose each other for good,at the same time he keeps texting me that despite the bad timing, i am still his ideal woman.

It's a hard situation. I don't know how to deal with missing him, loving him, knowing he loves me and trying to gain independence and getting profesional help. I want to change and get better but it was too hard with him with me for some reason. I love him so much, I want to have a healthy relationship with him.Any advice appreciated.

Answer
Dear L,
The only way to have a healthy relationship is when we are healthy with ourself and we put ourself first.  If we don't put ourself first and love ourself - noone is going to be able to really love us..... Right now you have to concentrate on you.  You shouldn't have him be the main focus as to why you get help you should want to get help because you deserve to feel great about yourself.  Maybe you will get back together maybe you won't, but wouldn't it be fantastic if you could stabalize your moods and feel awesome about YOU!!  I think that would be the best gift you could give yourself.  The thought of losing someone that we care so much about and depend on is frightening, but you are lost right now and have to find your way.... Everything else will fall into place when you are okay with you.... That I promise.... Warmest Wishes, Erica