Expert: Dana Q - 8/14/2008

Question
Hi.. I'm 20 years old with a 11 1/2 month old beautiful baby boy... I got pregnant when I was 18 and had my son when I was 19 years old... me and my son's father does not get along... when I first got pregnant we had broken up and I found out and tried to tell him about me being pregnant but he didn't believe me and that was at the same time he told me that he was moving to atlanta, ga... so I didn't say anything about it and then the night before he left he called me and said goodbye ... then a couple of months pasted by and I wanted to tell him about me keeping the baby but I was to scared to tell him so I left him a message on myspace and he never respond.. So I took that as he didn't care... so around july he just popped up to my house and seen that I was pregnant and said he just read my message on myspace.. So then we became okay but when I asked him if he wanted to be with me in the delivery room he said no and that hurt my feelings so I just let it go... he treated me so bad throughout my pregnancy but at the same time he said he loved me... then I gave birth to my son and he didn't come see him until 2 weeks after... then he eventually came around and we got back together... then his bday came around in december and we went out but when my bday came around in february he didn't call me or nothin... he went to his ex house to watch the superbowl game... then we got back together again and in march my father got me a car then all of a sudden things changed and I think he got jealous... so we got into an argument one day and he choked me and he said sorry and I forgave him... but he got more violent as time went on and he has choked me, cut me, put a knife to my neck and tried to hit me in the head with a brick... but he blames me for all that happening cuz he says that my mouth gets me in trouble and I don't know when to shut up... I tried to put a smile on each time and cover the bruises and he said that he loves me so much that he doesn't want anyone else to have me... I eventually got tired of it and I left him alone... he just recently told his mom that he had a son... he told me that if his mom knew he had a son that she would kick him out and I told him that it's not far because it seems like he is embarrassed ... he doesn't do anything for my son and when he does try to give me money he will throw it at me or take it back so that why I tell him that I don't need anything... we argue all the time cuz he says that I'm selfish and he doesn't see that he is wrong for hitting me all those times... he said that it's in the past and that I should let it go... now im doin okay I'm will be attending school for the fall and I'm a full time mother to my son... it hurts me that I have to do this alone .. And all those times he hit me my son would watch him do it... will this affect my son ??? I know I'm not perfect and I do have a bad attitude but I don't feel that I deserve to be abused for it ??? He makes me feel like I've done something wrong... please help me because I need advice

Thanx
20 year old mother of 1

Answer
Hi Sheree,

Thanks for writing to me.  You have not done anything wrong at all.  Your son's father is abusive and a terrible parent.  You need to protect yourself and your son by not having him in your life.  If you continue to allow yourself to be abused, your son will most definitely be affected.  He will grow up thinking that it's OK to beat women.  Obviously, you don't want that.  No one deserves to be abused.  Even though it can be tough at times to be a single parent, you do not need this man in your life.  Talk to a lawyer about getting the financial child support that I assume your son's father doesn't give you.  He may seem to become suddenly interested and demand to see your son once he is forced to pay child support.  If so, talk to the lawyer about limiting his visitation rights and tell him how your son's father has abused you in the past.  You do not want him alone with your son; he may decide to make him his next target.  Please do not buy into the idea that you somehow deserved to be treated the way this loser has treated you; you have done nothing wrong.

Good Luck,

Dana Q