Expert: ***ERICA*** - 8/26/2008

Question
so about 7 months back a guy broke up with me out of the blue after 3 months of dating. thing is during that time while we were dating i think i really fell for him hard and may just have been in love with him even though i never told him cause i thought it was too soon.

anyway so we broke up and after all the anger and hate and hurt we now are in a comfortable place if i could call it that. we have started joking around again and exclusively speak once in a while (we have common friends and go to the same church). about a month back it seemed like we were rekindling the flame. we kissed once at first and felt kind of awkward about it then about a week later we were hanging out and had a lot of kissing and sort of reconnecting. we even started talking on the phone for hours and cleared up a lot of unanswered questions. unfortunately in all that, we saw that it just seemed like we were on different levels. although unsaid we both pulled away. stopped calling and kept talking and joking to a minimum.

well now i find me in a place where i have decided that no matter what happens, i don't think it will be wise to get back together. now what i want to know is how the hell do i stop the feelings and the urge to call. like i said, we go to the same church so i have to see him like 3 times a week and we do have common friends. i hate the fact that i still walk into church and look for him first. i hate the fact that i still wonder what his reaction will be when i go all out and hate how my mood changes when he is not at church. i want all this to stop. i want to just go numb when it comes to all romantic feelings towards him.

any advice?

Answer
Dear Randzo,

Time..time..time... and just reminding yourself that this isn't the person that you want to be with.  However, the more you are around him the harder it is - trust me on that one.  If there was a pill that I could invent to make people not feel heartache - I would be a billionaire.... Unfortunately, the only thing that gets us through this is time... and quite a bit of it.  Distance yourself as much as you possibly can and keep your interactions with him short and sweet... Let him think that your life has moved on without him.  Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica