Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/24/2008

Question
We lived together for 3 months, and I truly enjoyed his company. He was
attractive, funny, helpful around the house (chef), the best in bed, and the
most romantic and affectionate man I have ever been with.  I was swept off
my feet and he seemed to be the one. He is in construction so he will have a
job here and there and he works hard and makes good money, but after the
job ends he never has money since he has to pay alimony (he is in his 40's
and so am I) or he blows it on expensive dinners (he loves to eat) etc.  He has
no problem asking to borrow money nothing big $20 here and there, or
fronting him a $100 of which he has always paid back, but to me any man
that has to ask made me uncomfortable.  When he did ask and I would say I
don't have it or question him, he would get mad and pout ( I am not rich, I
work like everbody else so I really don't have much to give period), and he
knows that. A week before the breakup we even went to a beautiful resort for
the weekend (I did pay half), and had the time of our lives.  The next week we
went to dinner with friends, and he was drunk and rude. He apologized, but a
couple days later on labor day he went to work and he never called and came
home at 8 p.m.  I told him how I felt and went off.
I just felt that he was now taking advantage of me. The next day I return
home from work to find him packing his things and leaving. He told me that
he found a place. I was hurt and shocked that he couldn’t have sat down with
me to discuss, he just left.  Of course, before he walked out the door, I told
him off saying that he was a user, and drunk and to get the yell out.  He
called the next day 2-3 times and I hung up everytime. A couple days went
by, and left a message that he didn't really have a place, but was sleeping at a
friends house and to call him. I called back and left a message. That was 3
weeks ago and he has not called or come by.  Since I am 40, attractive, smart,
etc., I am still stunned by this and cannot understand how someone that can
look into your eyes and tell you how much they love you, can just up and
leave the next day?  Now all I can think about is him.  Did he move in with
someone else? If not and he is staying on his own or friends I think this is
worse since I cannot fathom how someone that you think loves you so much
can cut you off just like that. It hurts more when you should no better at my
age, and more so that I never even got a reason why, no closure. Can you
help make sense of this?

Answer
Hi Leilani,
Wow... my guess would be he is probably exploring a different and new situation possibly with someone else.  Men don't tend to just pick up out of the blue and walk away from something that is wonderful.  I don't think you will get any closure or answers until he shows up at your doorstep and that is going to depend on whether or not he is enjoying his new situation.  It is unfortunate but true.  It really doesn't sound like he was using you because he paid you the money he would borrow back and he paid his half of the trip.  He obviously couldn't afford to treat you to a life of luxury and alot of men can't which is fine.  As long as he was doing his part around the house, helping you with the bills, and taking care of you emotionally, mentally, and physically - then I don't think he was just using you.  Everyone can fall on rough times - however, if he was making money and you were doing everything financially - that is a different story.  I think you are going to probably hear from him, but I don't know if you will get the whole truth or the answers that you really need.  I wish you the best and I know this is a painful time.... Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica