Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/2/2008

Question
I have been with my partner for 7 years.  Due to circumstances, we moved in together straight away.  We have never really been out together apart from a couple of holidays.  He hasn't met my family and friends, nor me his.  Over the years, I have gradually lost my friends and have become isolated to the point that I rarely go out.  I have a form of social anxiety which doesn't help.  

So my problem is, my partner went to South Africa 3 weeks ago for business and I have started to go out more gradually.  In going out, I have met up with my sisters ex (who she is still friends with) and we have always got on like a house on fire, we have so much in common and have the same dreams and aspirations.  We could talk for hours.

Anyway, he has told me that he wants to be with me and in all honesty, I do feel the same way.  Just to point out, I haven't take this any further apart from talking and I would never cheat.

I don't know what to do.  Although my life is far from perfectly happy, I am content and do care for my partner very much.  I am just unsure if I am really in love with him.  Likewise I am unsure how he feels about me.  He forgot my birthday the other day and when I said I love you at the end of the telephone call, he didn't say it back.  We haven't said the 'l' word for a long long time and when we are together, we do our own work and sometimes don't talk for long periods.

We haven't had any problems as such so to finish the relationship would come completely out of the blue for him.

I am in such a bind and wish I hadn't gone out now.  I can barely get myself to eat I am so stressed about it all.

My partner is a strong and independant guy but I am still scared to death about hurting him.   The thought of ending the relationship terrifies me, as does starting again with someone new but am I doing myself a big injustice staying as I am.

Also, if I do decide to move on, how do I approach the conversation? how do we deal with the fact that my mobile phone and car is under his name? he is struggling with money at present, how do I make sure he will be ok?

I need some independant unbiased advice.

Answer
Dear Carly,
How does your sister feel about this?  This may be one area you don't want to get caught up in.  I think that it is evident that you may want to take a clean break from everything and come up for air.  Decide what you want to do with your life and experience it.  Jumping from one relationship to another is never a good idea because no matter how great/bad the original relationship was/is we tend to take unresolved feelings and issues into the next one.  I would suggest a "Carly" timeout to figure out what it is that you really want.  Also, your sister may not like the fact that you are going to be with her ex so I would tread very lightly.  It's hard to breakup with anyone because we don't like to hurt others.  However, we must be true to ourselves because the hurt is inevitable whether its now or shortly down the road.... You have to take care of you.  I hope this helps.  Warmest Wishes, Erica