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About Dana Q
Expertise
I can answer all questions related to break-ups - including knowing when it is time to move on, freeing yourself from unhealthy and abusive relationships, coping with the loss of a relationship, and strategies for re-entering the dating scene when you are ready. Please include the age of both people involved in the relationship, the amount of time you have been together, and any misgivings or doubts you have about the relationship so that I may give you the best answer possible. Long, complicated questions aren't a problem - I would rather have too much information than not enough!
Experience
I went through a series of bad relationships prior to finding true love with my husband of 4 years. I frequently was the one who ended these unhealthy relationships, including one where I was involved with an emotionally and verbally abusive person.
Education/Credentials
Two B.A. degrees - Literature and French
Awards and Honors
Graduated magna cum laude.
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > Love Triangle - What happens after she chooses
Expert: Dana Q - 9/20/2008
Question
I got involved with a woman who ended a two year relationship after meeting me. She still loved him but she left him because she felt neglected and found love with me. We moved way too fast and in less then two months, we created a very strong bond and fell in love with one another. our relationship, our kids everything was a perfect fit.
Her and her ex work together, she never really tried to get over him and every time she saw him, her feelings would get confused but she was always honest and would come to me. The last time, he met her, he proposed to her and she decided to give him another shot with him and accepted the proposal. I know and she told me that it was mostly out of guilt and she still loved him. She said her guilt would interfere with our relationship if we were to continue and that is why I let her go.
Here's the catch. She works with me too part time at another job. Not only has she told me and expressed it, but I see it. She still loves me, is extremely attracted to me (we have incredible chemistry) and it seems as though she is happy and has moved on. Here's what I want to know. Now that I completely ignore her, she finds out I am going out and I seem to have her attention again after weeks of her blowing me off. I know I should not go back because it would be a disrespect to me, but we really had a great relationship and I would love to work things out, but I know if she did it once to him, she may do it to me. Honestly, I don't know what my chances of getting her back at this point would be?
Thank you for your help.
Answer
Hi Hamlet,
Thanks for writing to me. I think it would be best to move on from this relationship. This is a woman who either is not mature enough to focus on one relationship or enjoys playing games; either way she is not someone who is good for you. She spent your entire relationship being in love with someone else and basically cheating on you emotionally. Now that you have moved on, you seem to have her undivided attention, and that makes me think that the reason behind all of this drama is not that she's in love with two people at the same time, but that she enjoys having two people in love with her at the same time. I know it's tempting to want to repair the relationship since you were truly in love with her, but think about this: would you really want to go back to walking on eggshells, constantly uncertain of whether she loves you or someone else? I can't imagine that was a very comfortable feeling. I think it's a good thing that you are beginning to move on. Keep your distance from her and find another part-time job. It's going to be difficult to get past this otherwise.
Good Luck,
Dana Q
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