Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/18/2008

Question
where to begin. i have been dating my girlfriend for abut 2 years now, and there are a lot of things that i don't like. for 1, she is REALLY immature. i don't mean she acts immature, but like she really does not understand a lot. its really frustrating for me. by the way, i am 20 and she is 18, soon to be 19. another thing is she is very self conscious, always asking me where I am going, who i am with, not trusting, does not like me hanging out with my friends, and so on. another thing is the way she treats me. she doesn't do anything really to upset me, I am a pretty easy going person. but when it comes to her, like i said, she is really self conscious so i really have to be careful what to say to her. i have tried braking up with her many times before, maybe 4 times in the past year? each time is worse and worse. the last time, i was at her place, and it was midnight when i told her i wanted to brake up, and it was almost 4 when i left, only because i said i would not brake up with her. i feel trapped. she has told me before that she would rather run a relationship to the ground than to give up like this. i don't hate her, but sometimes its just really frustrating being with her, how i have to watch what i say and everything. sometimes i find myself lying to her just so i don't have to see her. i don't want to be in a relationship like that. but she just doesn't understand. its hard for me and i don't know what to do. what can i do? please help. i am sure there are things i missed, so feel free to ask questions.

Answer
Dear Mark,
It is time that you took a stand for yourself and made the decision as to whether or not you want this relationship.  Feeling bad isn't a reason to stay with someone and a relationship is definitely work, but not to the point where it is exhausting.  You are not responsible for her actions or her insecurities - she is and you are definitely not a prisoner so you should be able to do what you want to do (of course... keeping things respectful and giving the person that you are with what they need).  However, 2 people can not be together all of the time and isolate themselves from the rest of the world.  That isn't healthy because you have to have your own life and then come together as one.... Otherwise, you are going to start to resent one another and only bad comes from that.  If you want to breakup and really mean it then do it.... be firm, say it once, wish her well, and leave her alone for awhile so she can heal.  Please don't play the back and forth game.... its not fair... Good Luck and Warmest Wishes, Erica