Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/20/2008

Question
Alright, so my ex and I were together for a total of 13 months officially, when
we were both 17. We were in love, or at least thought we were and things
were great until I moved interstate for college. However, we kept hooking up
everytime we were together and I think a part of me always thought we'd end
up getting back together. He then started going out with another girl, who he
cheated on with me and then broke it off with back in November. I went
overseas and while I was there, he changed having casual flings with two
other girls. Stupidly I didn't get out right then and there, and continued our
weird friends with benefits things. We were really close, talking everyday and I
relied on him the most at this stage. In April he began to go out with another
girl, even though we continued to have a physical relationship. He then
confronted me, told me this thing between us couldn't continue because I had
"burned him out" and he no longer cared about me at all. This devastated me
completely. I've slowly built myself back but we have the same group of friend
and thus I always have to see him. Recently, I asked a friend of mine to ask
my ex to not bring his girlfriend to the friend's birthday party. My ex then
proceeded to lecture me about how I was out of line and it was just like me to
lash out or something. So I guess I'm wondering how he could think of me so
coldly now? And how do I let it go? I thought we were becoming friends
again, but obviously not, and I keep stupidly believing that things will get
better but then he just seems to bring me down all over again. How do I just
accept that things aren't going to get better between us?

Answer
Dear Charlene,
You just have to really try and accept it.  You have to tell yourself that you did the best that you could, but he obviously has a different agenda now.  It is unfair to ask him not to bring his new girlfriend around because then it looks like you are trying to "control" the situation when the 2 of you are not together.  If the situation were to make you uncomfortable then I wouldn't go to the party.  I would try to meet new people and develop a new circle of friends and to try and avoid him at all costs until you are okay with the situation.  It is extremely difficult to be friends soon after a breakup especially because your situation continued even after the breakup.  We cannot control other people's emotions, actions, or thoughts.  But, the good new is that we can control ours.  Don't give him the power to know that he gets to you.  Just stay busy with your own life and don't let those that may tell him what you are doing to know what you are doing even if you are upset everyday.  Let everyone think you are living a great fulfilling and most importantly fabulous life.  The only thing that will allow you to get over this is time.... and with time that is all there is.... Good Luck and I hope this helps.... Warmest Wishes, Erica