Expert: Dana Q - 1/6/2009

Question
I just read over my question I had asked and I wanted to clarify some things.
Starting out with we met five years ago but over the last 5 months(not years like i stated) things have been really hard.
 The first summer we were together he said he thought we should have an open relationship since we were so young. I went with it becuase I tried to be understand. throughout the years he has done things with other woman and been honest after the fact but I alwyas brushed it up to being young and in college and he was SO appolgetic..and for some time things would be better.
 Well since we graduated in may of 07 we are now an hour away...both professionals both successfull... ive been putting in all the effort commuting to him over the past year and a half and its taken a toll..
well 5 months ago things went sour like i stated in my last message'...he often said in the last few months that he was starting to get resentfull because everyone else thought we were so perfect for eachother but he felt something was missing....we lost something sexually and i brushed it off to just being togehter for 5 years but maybe it was the woman in the past that have made me put a guard up.
im just wondering, do you believe he was telling me soley becuase he had to? all his letters now,emails and txts are all about he will change and he is SO certain that now I am the one.
i feel like hes just so scared of loosing someone so "close to perfect" and the guilt he must have....but those nights he was with other people , Break or no break(even though we were still sleeping together) he wasnt feeling guilt those nights..
 to me true love should be about fighting temptations because what you have back home is not worth the risk...
my fear is that i dont have the strength to keep pusing forward. the more he is persistant...all his words hes telling me...how do i not give in... he was my rock for 5 years the guy i ran to in times of needs...

please help
THANK YOU

Answer
Hi Mary Elizabeth,

Thanks for writing to me.  Yes, I definitely think it is time for you to end this relationship.  This guy does not want to be monagamous, period.  All the requests for an open relationship and the outright cheating he has done tells me that he wants to continue to play the field while having the security of his relationship with you on the backburner.  The reason why he told you all of this was that he wanted to keep his promise to the other girl and therefore ensure that SHE would remain in his life.  I hate to say it, but the history you have of forgiving his indiscretions and going along with the open relationship idea made him feel like there was no risk in telling you.  He probably just assumed you would understand like you always have, and therefore he could tell you and keep both of you around.  This relationship absolutely isn't fair to you, so I think it is best that you end it.  Unless you want to end up in an open marriage, this is not the right man for you.

Good Luck,

Dana Q