Expert: Dana Q - 1/7/2009

Question
Hello Dana,

Thanks for listening.  I recently went through a long, painful brake up with my boyfriend of two years.  The reason it was rough was because we did love each other, but I began to feel us growing apart in our lives, which began to make me depressed.  It's been about a month that we've been officially broken up.  I do feel like I did the right thing by breaking up with him, but I do still feel sorry for breaking his heart.  

I have recently been speaking to this guy whom I started talking to online a couple of years ago.  I found out that he now lives in the same city as me, and we're thinking about meeting up soon.  I know that we both think we will be attracted to each other, which will make the first time we go out like a date.  I am very interested in going out with him, but I don't want it to turn into a rebound relationship and ruin things between us.  I know that I am not ready for a relationship anytime in the near future.  I want my freedom for a while, but I also wouldn't mind going on dates.  What can I do to draw a line so he doesn't expect more from me than I'm ready to offer him?

Thanks again in advance.

Answer
Hi Sally,

Thanks for writing to me.  It definitely sounds like honesty is the best policy here.  Keep the first meeting light, but if he asks you out again after that, tell him that you feel you aren't emotionally ready for a long-term commitment right now.  I think he will appreciate that you want to make sure you like him for him and not just because he represents an opportunity to be in a relationship.  Offer to be friends first and then see what happens from there.

Good Luck,

Dana Q