Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/13/2009

Question
Erica,

My ex and I were together for four years before we broke up. I always, even after we broke up, thought that I would marry him. Our relationship started deteriorating when I started law school and we eventually decided to take some time apart this past summer.

After we broke up, I decided that we had made a mistake, even though I was the one that initiated the breakup. For two months I attempted to talk to him and to have him understand what I wanted and what I thought we both needed (in a minimally crazy way, I promise). He just pushed me away and said that he didn't know if he ever loved me in the first place. Finally he told me that he had slept with someone else, which made me quit all attempts at reconciliation. I knew that he had been seeing her, but I didn't realize that they were sleeping together as well (and this was all within a few weeks after we broke up).

Only a few days after he told me about the other girl, he tried to contact me. I didn't respond. About a week later, he showed up to tell me that he missed me, loved me, and would do anything to have me back. He said that I was worth fighting for and that he would fight for as long as it took.

I believe that he is genuine. I love him still and I want to spend my life with him. However, I don't know how I can ever forgive him for his interim lover. I can't understand how or why  he could do that to me.

Any advice?

-dazed and confused

Answer
Dear Jacky,
They always suggest counseling when someone enters into law school because a lot of people have a hard time adjusting.  With that said.... if you can't get over it ~ don't get back into it... He didn't do it to you ~ you guys weren't together.... Why are you getting to call all of the shots?? I understand that you are hurt because he had slept with someone else, but for all he knew you could have during the time you weren't together as well.....I'm a little lost because I don't know if you were in a monogomous relationship at the time he slept with this woman or if you were trying to get back together with him..... If you were in a relationship that is a different story, but if it was because you decided you wanted to be with him again and he was doing his own thing.... Sorry.. but, it really isn't any of your business. I would tread very lightly with this situation.... Good Luck...