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About ***ERICA***
Expertise
A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee ~ it hurts. It requires a lot of personal reflection and change. It's never easy. I will tell you that I am extremely blunt and honest in my answers. I WILL NOT answer any questions asked by anyone under the age of 18. If you are looking for someone to sugarcoat the truth ~ please ask someone else. Also, I am only giving you my expert advice ~ I am not a fortune teller ~ I cannot predict the future and my main focal point is to help you get through a very difficult time because I have been there. XOXO
Experience
BBA
Expert in the How to Attract that Man of Your Dreams
Engaged numerous times ~ grew from a self destructive person to a healthy woman.
Hope to have helped many people go through this extremely difficult time.
Firm believer in the book/movie: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ~ it is that simple
Education/Credentials
BBA
MBA
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > Ex wants me back
Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/13/2009
Question
Erica,
My ex and I were together for four years before we broke up. I always, even after we broke up, thought that I would marry him. Our relationship started deteriorating when I started law school and we eventually decided to take some time apart this past summer.
After we broke up, I decided that we had made a mistake, even though I was the one that initiated the breakup. For two months I attempted to talk to him and to have him understand what I wanted and what I thought we both needed (in a minimally crazy way, I promise). He just pushed me away and said that he didn't know if he ever loved me in the first place. Finally he told me that he had slept with someone else, which made me quit all attempts at reconciliation. I knew that he had been seeing her, but I didn't realize that they were sleeping together as well (and this was all within a few weeks after we broke up).
Only a few days after he told me about the other girl, he tried to contact me. I didn't respond. About a week later, he showed up to tell me that he missed me, loved me, and would do anything to have me back. He said that I was worth fighting for and that he would fight for as long as it took.
I believe that he is genuine. I love him still and I want to spend my life with him. However, I don't know how I can ever forgive him for his interim lover. I can't understand how or why he could do that to me.
Any advice?
-dazed and confused
Answer
Dear Jacky,
They always suggest counseling when someone enters into law school because a lot of people have a hard time adjusting. With that said.... if you can't get over it ~ don't get back into it... He didn't do it to you ~ you guys weren't together.... Why are you getting to call all of the shots?? I understand that you are hurt because he had slept with someone else, but for all he knew you could have during the time you weren't together as well.....I'm a little lost because I don't know if you were in a monogomous relationship at the time he slept with this woman or if you were trying to get back together with him..... If you were in a relationship that is a different story, but if it was because you decided you wanted to be with him again and he was doing his own thing.... Sorry.. but, it really isn't any of your business. I would tread very lightly with this situation.... Good Luck...
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