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About ***ERICA***
Expertise
A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee ~ it hurts. It requires a lot of personal reflection and change. It's never easy. I will tell you that I am extremely blunt and honest in my answers. I WILL NOT answer any questions asked by anyone under the age of 18. If you are looking for someone to sugarcoat the truth ~ please ask someone else. Also, I am only giving you my expert advice ~ I am not a fortune teller ~ I cannot predict the future and my main focal point is to help you get through a very difficult time because I have been there. XOXO

Experience
BBA Expert in the How to Attract that Man of Your Dreams Engaged numerous times ~ grew from a self destructive person to a healthy woman. Hope to have helped many people go through this extremely difficult time. Firm believer in the book/movie: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ~ it is that simple

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BBA MBA

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > Its killing me!

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups - Its killing me!

Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/19/2009

Question
Im in the military, 2 years this oct. While I was in tech school I met a perfect stranger who I instantly saw something in. He and I flirted madley and I didnt even get his name the first time I saw him.Little known to me that he put his numbe in my phone randomly. I was single and so was he. We began hanging out as if we knew each other our whole lives and I made the move one night of kissing him!He was 19 I was 20. He was so smart and not his age mentally, I was in love at first sight and he appeared to be too. ONe of those too good to be true guys but always proved to be a good guy never did wrong. We feel for each other and dated for about 2 months when i was getting to my first base, so we met in hotels and airports for good byes and he told me I was the one and was in love blah blah!-long distance for a long time...so 6 months into it I am at my first base, we talk all the time I got love letters but we were sick of the distance and he even attempted to talk to marrige. My last time seeing him was a wonderful 4 day trip of sex and talking were I thought he was gonna propose and he didnt. We didnt argue we had a blast and I was about to leave for the airport when I just got sad thinking how long is it gonna be again? Youll be deployed and Ill be waiting.....he saw the pain in my eyes and told me he was gonna buy me a ring but he didnt have the time to. He took me to the airport for my once again heart ache departure. Normally he would tell me to not turn around, just keep going. I would cry he would get so upset. He hated missing me. Or how he loved me and he promised he would get to me. This time I got good bye and I love you. I weatched him walk away this time and I was so upset I waited 19 hours for my plane.My cousin died that day and I was gutted with dispare. The only person I ever truely loved was gone again and I just lost a family member. I didnt know him yes for long, but He had stirred up this raw intense passion that i thought only exsisted once in a blue moon..I would send him text of a song called"So far away form were you are, And I miss you" when I got lonely or he left. He told me all the time how I was the only person who ever made him feel the way he did...
8 days later,we were talking and he was quite. He told me it wasnt going to work, He said the distance and then it was him. I told him how he could break my heart when we felt the way we did. He said he just couldnt handle it. and refused to awnser me.I got very upset cried and for the first time I even calle dmy mom and cried to her. I was for sure he was gonna marry me he was the one for me.Im 22 now, and I moved on to a new bf who knows I still love him. He can tell. I cant get over this guy, no one can ever make me feel like he did. He and I talked on holidays after the break up via text, I coaxed him to confess one night that he still loved me and missed me, that being the only time. He has since deployed and didnt have another gf untill recently but idk what happened but she isnt there anymore. I broke down and looked at his myspace, time hadn't healed it was hurting me more. I wish I could get over him but I cant , It's a daily death. I emailed him several emails stating how I felt and how I felt he either cheating on me or didnt care because he wouldn't not respond to anything I asked that was indepth or needed his truthful explanation, Or till I would get emotional and break it down for him. I sent one that said Idk what to do I'm with someone else and still in love with you, and I asked if he still loved me and my response was always "I don't know, I know I still think of you and miss you." Always just enough to drive me insane.I felt like a stalker or like if he saw my text and didnt answer he was either pissed off that I was or if he just wanted me to go away.His last email to that was "I thought we could be friends but you wont even let that happen, I guess I 'll say goodbye then." I was in love, and suddenly it was cutt off and I want to know how and if he feels anything. The guy im with still now hes like my best friend but I dont have what me and the other guy had. That hurts, the pictures and cards I have saved.....they haunt me.I know In the heat of it all I ended it bad beacause I came off desperate but IDK I was frusterated..... What do I do and thank you for reading my huge ass novel but I need help.

Answer
Dear Amanda,
You have to cut him loose and move on especially since you have a new boyfriend. He obviously doesn't share the same type of feelings that you do and you continuing to ask for closure is going to do nothing but frustrate and upset you. There isn't anything more you could do or say to make him change his mind or feelings. Think about how hard it is when you care about someone but not in the same way that they care about you. It was a powerful and passionate love that you felt, but it is now over and the only thing that is going to help you is for you to stop contacting him in any way and to allow time to help you heal those wounds. If you aren't "feeling" it for your new boyfriend maybe some time alone would help. It really hurts when we feel rejected and dont know what happened. We rarely ever get the closure that we need, but try to because we want an explanation. I am sorry that you are hurting, but you definitely need to quit adding to your hurt by trying to get answers that you won't get.... Good Luck..

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