Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/23/2009

Question
Hi Erica

I won't go into tons of detail. I am 23 and my college boyfriend broke up with me in summer of 2008. I believe that I did everything I should not do in order to get over him: drink a lot, hide my feelings from my best friends because I thought that after a few months they were sick of hearing it, date tons of people in order to replace and duplicate my ex.

The thing is I was completely in love for 3 years, at one point we wanted to get married but then things went sour and he changed and I realized I would have to change to be with him. However, if he came back to me right now I would drop EVERYTHING and go see him. I would still do anything for him (maybe the old him, not the person he became) and he clearly doesn't give a crap about me anymore because he has a new girlfriend (the one he met a few weeks after we broke up) and hasn't tried to contact me at all since day one of break up.

I am now dating someone else. I really like him but it's still very new. We have only known each other since the summer. I do not feel the insane feelings I felt towards my ex but I definitely care for him. I still think of my ex everyday and I see a therapist now. I also cry from time to time about him. Should I break up with this new guy and just focus on getting over the ex and improving myself? Or, can you do that while dating someone new?  

Answer
Dear Laurel,
I would definitely concentrate on yourself.  There is nothing wrong with dating someone new as long as it's pretty casual as it doesn't appear that you are ready for a serious relationship.  Everything that you have gone through, done, and feel is normal.  I congratulate you for seeing a therapist.  It is very difficult to get over someone that you cared so much about especially when you gave of yourself completely.  I would be honest with the new guy and let him know that you don't think you are ready for a serious relationship, but enjoy his company.  Maybe he just isn't the one.... and you will know when you are ready..... Good Luck....