Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/22/2009

Question
I have been dating a man fir 10 months. We both have children, I am divorced & he a widow(2yrs) Our children are 15 years and younger. We communicate by email and texting alot, being we both hate the phone. We get to see each other every other weekend for a date. I have meet his children and he has met one of mine( I go out with him when my children are at their fathers) we get along great I am an ENFP type personality and he is a INTJ.
I am a feeler and he a rational, but we balance each other out. We are never short on conversation and we hit it off right away. I can verbalize my feelings and he can not. We met at online dating site and talked for a month for hours before we met. I met him sight unseen he did not give up his picture.
He is very busy active in his community and extremly involved in his girls lives. I was cheated on hence the divorce and he is aware of my feelings of infedility. He is the first man I have dated in 25 years and I believe he has not dated much either. My question is I found out he still goes on the dating website pretty frequently, which upsets me. It upsets me for 2 reasons 1) does he still want to meet other woman to see what is out there and
2) most of these webstes guarantee you'll meet someone in 6 months or they will give your money back, is he addicted to searching these websites? Is he cheating? Should I be thankful I met someone that gave me confidence but now move on? I love him but I can not do the cheating thing again,  

Answer
Dear Carol,
I think the first thing that is important here is that if you are not short of conversation why don't you have a conversation as to whether you are in an exclusive relationship or not.  I always suggest that you try not to bring your past relationships into your new one, but that is difficult to do.  Each relationship/marriage is different.  Therefore, someone who may have been cheated on will have more than normal insecurities going into their next relationship.  If you are in an exclusive relationship and he is still searching the online websites ~ that is not a good sign... actually, that is a screaming red flag.  However, if you are just "dating" both of you are free to see other people and I would encourage you to do so.  Until you have this converstaion ~ you won't be able to answer this question.  You say a lot about why the 2 of you are compatible, but not what your situation is.  Good Luck