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About ***ERICA***
Expertise
A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee ~ it hurts. It requires a lot of personal reflection and change. It's never easy. I will tell you that I am extremely blunt and honest in my answers. I WILL NOT answer any questions asked by anyone under the age of 18. If you are looking for someone to sugarcoat the truth ~ please ask someone else. Also, I am only giving you my expert advice ~ I am not a fortune teller ~ I cannot predict the future and my main focal point is to help you get through a very difficult time because I have been there. XOXO
Experience
BBA
Expert in the How to Attract that Man of Your Dreams
Engaged numerous times ~ grew from a self destructive person to a healthy woman.
Hope to have helped many people go through this extremely difficult time.
Firm believer in the book/movie: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ~ it is that simple
Education/Credentials
BBA
MBA
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > Stepping Back or a nice Break up
Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/30/2009
Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and love each other very much. However, lately external things has caused us to take a step back to friends. His budding busy business and the recent death of his sister has created a situation where he is working 7 days a week. Our quality time together has dwindled down to a few hours a week. He is aware of my frustration about the time but feels like he can't do anything about right now since he can't yet afford to hire help. I have not really been able to comfort or him since he works so much and is trying to be there for everybody..his clients...his grieving parents. We talked about it a few days ago and decided to take a step back. He says he loves me, I am the best thing that has happened to him, and that he doesn't want anyone else. However, he wants the best for me and it's not fair for me to wait around while he gets himself together or to take a back seat to his business.
I don't want anyone else either, I'm 40 and not really interested in playing the field, I'd rather be with family, friends, work, and run by business on the side. I just don't know what to do now. We reluctantly mutual agreed to do this for a couple of months and see how things pan out. In the mean time he can get some counseling and try to balance out his life and I can work on personal issues too and my business. How do you step back to being friends with so many feelings? He still wants to hang out from time to time as time permits us both (no booty calling). Which I was skeptical of at first and nixed. However on second thought if we are friends I guess it would be okay to do so and it would be on my terms.
I'm so confused about how to proceed, as I want to keep the relationship intact and I believe he does too, and see it improve and move forward, just don't know how to do that or if this is the way to do it. Any insight, thank you in advance!
Answer
Dear Catalina,
There is probably no way that you could possibly be friends right now without it killing you inside. I would advise against it. Allow him the space that he wants/needs and let him figure things out because you don't want someone who doesn't want you anyway. In the meantime... really take care of you and focus in on your life. Being friends allows him to know that you are still there... By not being there he will figure out whether he misses you enough or not. It's really that simple. We should want to be with the person we love even when the chips are down ~ especially when the chips are down. He may need counseling and time for himself, but being friends with him is a bad idea.... Put it in your head that this is a breakup.... Get busy with your own life and if he wants to be with you he will put forth the effort that he does in his business... Good Luck
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