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About ***ERICA***
Expertise
A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee ~ it hurts. It requires a lot of personal reflection and change. It's never easy. I will tell you that I am extremely blunt and honest in my answers. I WILL NOT answer any questions asked by anyone under the age of 18. If you are looking for someone to sugarcoat the truth ~ please ask someone else. Also, I am only giving you my expert advice ~ I am not a fortune teller ~ I cannot predict the future and my main focal point is to help you get through a very difficult time because I have been there. XOXO
Experience
BBA
Expert in the How to Attract that Man of Your Dreams
Engaged numerous times ~ grew from a self destructive person to a healthy woman.
Hope to have helped many people go through this extremely difficult time.
Firm believer in the book/movie: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ~ it is that simple
Education/Credentials
BBA
MBA
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > Text Msg . . . Led to Break Up
Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/28/2009
Question
Hi Erica. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We dated over one year and are best friends. I am 10 years older and we get along really well. We deeply care and love one another. We shopped for engagement rings a few months ago to get an understanding of what she liked. We also lived together about 15 days each month. So what happened?
Earlier this year, I looked at her phone while reparing the scroll ball and discovered she was communicating with her ex. I confronted her and she apoligized. I knew nothing happened but was disappointed. Seven months later, I looked at her phone again (she bought a new one) and discovered new text and facebook msgs from someone else who she said was a close friend. The exchange was heated and feelings were hurt on both sides. I knew that no indiscretion happened but the guy was definetly flirting with her. Turns out they have dinner and brunch every now and then and are close friends. I am confident but nonetheless disppointed that she hangs out with a close male friend and communicated with him via text, facebook and phone calls.
I have cutoff all contact with her because she needs space and time to heal. She is very upset that I thought less of her and that she cheated - when she did not. She said that I broke the trust in our relationship by questionsing her close friendship with a male and snooping again through her phone. Our separation was amicable; we talked for 2 hours and she cried and hugged me. As I left, she said, I love you and I did,too. We hugges passionately for a few minutes and briefly kissed one another.
What do you make of this break up? We ate dinner at her parents at 2 or 3 times a month and we recently returned from a great trip. Any thoughts or suggestions on getting back together. Is there any hope or is it a loss cause? I still care and love her very much and the same holds true for her. Thanks for your help!
Answer
Dear EXC,
If you know there was no cheating (emotional or physical) then you really had no place to ask any questions. Trust and respect are necessary in a relationship.... I don't think what you did was a deal breaker, but I question why she would go on these meetings without telling you.... not asking your permission, but rather sharing the information with you. It is harmless to have friends of the opposite sex to a certain degree, but when you start sharing intimate details with that person or spending a lot of time with them.... then, you can question as to whether an emotional affair is developing. I would give her the space and time that she has requested... if things are meant to be they will be.... But, I would live my own life during this time and figure out if this is the relationship that I want to be in. As for what the future holds ~ I don't know because I don't know what she is doing or feeling..... It is frustrating when a partner questions us when we really haven't given them a reason to, but with that said.... what you did wasn't a deal breaker... Good Luck
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