Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/7/2009

Question
I've been date this man for nine years. For the first seven years he was on drugs. I stood by him through all his trials and ups & down. We lived together. We would get in aguremnet of his drug use. I end up calling the police because he push me or his langauge and tone was so violent I was afraid. He was says that I push to that point, or I bring that out in him. Well his been clean for the last two years and everytime I say something, frown my face or express my feelings in a that he think is being insentitive he leaves me. I don't know he left me because he doen't verbally tell me. I don't find this out until I try to contact him and he wouldn't take my calls. When we have a disagreement he yells & screams at me. He says I'm a good women and he wants to marriage me. I've asked him to go to counslor but he'll say yes, but never go, says I'm the crazy one. We're both christian, I believe we should have sex because we're not married. I love his touch but I will not allow he to touch me all the time. He says he understand but throws it in my face when we fight. I given this man all of my he has keys to my home, he drives my car all the time. Well on sunday he left the house with my car to go to visit with his dad. That was fine. When he should have been on his way home I got a call from him stating that his sister called saying she need him to come to her home because her son we sick. I didn't have a problem with that , however, I frlt he should have ask me could he take them not tell me. So I just hung up. I love his family they treat me as one of them. Well the folloeing morning while he was taking me to work I said sweetie please be mindful about having people in the car, because if any thig happen it would fall on me. He said I was mad because he came in late. I said no I just want you to be mindful about having people in the car for insurance purpose. He stated that I said the car is ours yes I did but its my resposible if something goes wrong. Said my family not going to sue you. I said I didn't say they would. Well the day before he had someone else in the car. I never said a thing. He stated I can drive the car with limits. Well he got so mad he started to yell at the top of his voice at me all in the ear while I was drive. So I stopped and just listen. He didn't like that either, said I'm talking low and now he looks like the crazy one. Don't get me wrong he does help me out when he can. He takes care of me the best he can. He worked for a little while then he got hurt. He been out of work for some time. And before that he couldn't hold a job because of his drug use. However I've always stood by him no matter what the problem, but I don't feel he stand by me when I make him mad he leaves me without and notices. Dooing all this I brought my first home a new car and handle down a good job. Whats mine has been his, no question. So Monday after I drop him off at the doctors. I call him later and he hasn't taken my calls. But I know his broken up with me because this is the way he always does it. Then after three days or so he comes but after I've make a total fool of myself pleading with him to stay. Well this tme I make a slight fool of myself but I haven't tried to contact in twos days. He still has keys to my house.
The question is it over? I don't want him back if I can't be who I'm. He says am a good woman but i'm not the weoman for him cause I don't know how to response to him  

Answer
Dedar Veronica,
This is a painful, but easy answer.  Change the locks to your house and get him out of your life.  You cannot be yourself and never will be.  He has learned throughout this relationship that he can basically leave when he wants, come when he wants, do what he wants, and no matter what it's ok... even if you complain about it.... He is still there.  So, what you need to do is care about yourself.  He is not living a "straight" lifestyle... he is what people would call a "dry drunk".  Does he attend meetings? Is he doing the things he is suppose to do to be a man?? If he got hurt at work then he still should have some sort of income coming in.  What I hear from your email is a lot of excuses as to why his behavior is ok.... Guess what it isn't.  AND whether or not he wants to be with you should have no reflection on you.... YOU are TOO GOOD for him... you have your own place, car, and job..... Let him go and figure out his own life.... You will realize once the pain starts to subside that you deserve a hell of a lot better.  Good Luck