Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/24/2009

Question
Hi, I had a big row with my boyfriend of 7months and i guess just to get a reaction or to try to get him to show that he cares I said i didnt want to be together anymore even to the point of forcing him to delete my phone number. The row was about me not trusting him. I have huge insecurities and have never fully trusted him even though he has given me little reason not to. My ex cheated on me for 4 years and i did not suspect a thing so now in this relationship 2 years on i am always looking for signs of infidelity. It came to boiling point and i eneded it but just bcoz i wanted him to prove me wrong. He has been a perfect boyfriend and i really thought we'd be together forever. HE said he felt the same and was always telling me so. But now he wont answer my calls or texts. he sent me a text the day after our big row saying my paranoia is getting him down and driving him insane but that i do make him happy. He then said enjoy your day and dont worry about us. So i presumed we would be able to talk things through but now despite my texts he wont speak to me atall.What should i do now? I know i need to work on my self esteem but i dont know how to prove to him that i will and can change. Thankyou so much for your response x

Answer
Dear Charlotte,
I would definitely work on myself before I even attempted to get back together with him.  He may have been very hurt.  The best advice I can give in these types of situations is to try and not bring our past relationship problems into our new ones.  You have to put it in your head that you are worth having a great healthy relationship and that you also deserve it.  All of us have "baggage" but, it is unfair to bring that baggage into our new relationship and when we use the "chase and catch" method which is where we push someone away just to see how much they will chase us ~ they get tired and give up eventually.  I wouldn't call or text him anymore, but rather think about going to see a counselor and working on yourself and when the counselor feels that it may be time for you to reach out to him ~ he/she will let you know.  It's normal for us to react like this, but not healthy and someone else doesn't deserve to pay for the mistakes of others.  Good Luck