Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/13/2009

Question
My ex boyfriend and I dated for about 2 years (I am 24 and he is 26)..we lived together for the last 8 months. Our relationship was almost too good to be true... Yes we had our faults and we fought every now and again.. but we never went to bed angry and we were pretty open with our feelings (or so I thought). He waited 4 months before he told me he loved me.. and at about 8 months he gave me a promise ring to tell me he was serious and that he wasn't going anywhere. He knew marriage is something that I wanted.. but I knew he wasn't ready and I accepted that. A month ago he told me he can't do this anymore.. that he isn't happy in the relationship and that he is moving out (he already had another place to live and moved the next day!).. since then we have had a few talks and opened up about what went wrong. He claims he doesn't love me anymore and that I was too clingy and didn't allow him to have his space nor was I independent enough on my own. I asked him why we couldn't have talked about it and worked through it.. but he said it was too late and he needed out. He knows I am willing to work on things and I think he is being ridiculous by just walking away from something that was once so strong. I think he feels a lot of pressure from friends as well because all of them have voiced their opinion that he is making a huge mistake. I have even talked to some of his closest male friends who tell me he has always had relationship/committment issues and to give him some space. I want this so bad and I have not done well at giving him time to think about this. He has never been in a relationship this serious and for as long as he was with me.. his friends tell me he usually finds something wrong after a month or two and leaves. Apparently they all thought I was the one for sure given that he actually moved in with me and told me he loved me.. nobody saw this coming.. especially me!

Is there anything I can do/say.. or should I back away and move on??

He is actually a very good guy.. he loves kids and coaches hockey.. he has never even raised his voice with me. People say the way he looked at me made them jealous because he loved me so much.. what happened???

Answer
Dear Amie,
Not quite sure what happened, but something did.  Maybe he just decided that you were not the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and did the right thing by moving out and allowing you to start moving on with your life..... Hurtful?? Absolutely.... Shocking?? Most Definitely.... Your world is now turned upside down?? Completely Understandable.... But, you need to leave him alone and have no contact with him or his friends.  You need to start accepting that this is over (regardless of what happens in the future)...If you hold on to hope then you will NOT be able to accept the situation for what it is... He had to have been thinking about it for a little while since he had another place to live..... I am sorry for your pain... but, he may have saved you from a lot more pain later on down the road... I know that doesn't make it easier, but you can't make someone love you or want to be with you and it's especially hurtful when you don't see it coming.  Please don't let this be a reflection of yourself... He just wasn't the one that deserves the FABULOUS you.... Good Luck