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About ***ERICA***
Expertise
A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee ~ it hurts. It requires a lot of personal reflection and change. It's never easy. I will tell you that I am extremely blunt and honest in my answers. I WILL NOT answer any questions asked by anyone under the age of 18. If you are looking for someone to sugarcoat the truth ~ please ask someone else. Also, I am only giving you my expert advice ~ I am not a fortune teller ~ I cannot predict the future and my main focal point is to help you get through a very difficult time because I have been there. XOXO
Experience
BBA
Expert in the How to Attract that Man of Your Dreams
Engaged numerous times ~ grew from a self destructive person to a healthy woman.
Hope to have helped many people go through this extremely difficult time.
Firm believer in the book/movie: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ~ it is that simple
Education/Credentials
BBA
MBA
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > I'm lost...
Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/27/2009
Question
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months, well actually, he broke up with me. His reasoning was that it was too hard on him, the responsibility, my son, in short, being an adult...it some ways I understood and also knew deep down that it had allot to do with me as well and he just couldn’t say it. I was horrible to him, I would yell and scream and most of the time it was for no reason. And for a while, he put up with it, but everyone is human, in truth, I would have left me too! But I am totally in love with him! He was everything to me and I would have done anything for him! I even sent him a letter explaining how I fell and ended it with asking him not to contact me with a hidden intention that he would realize he made a mistake and call to ask to come back home but that never happened! It has been a few weeks since we have spoken and yesterday I get a call from him asking to hang out but I was with a friend so I said no, I later then changed my mind and told him I would pick him up to come over to my house. He agreed, and also decided to inform me that he just kicked out of the house he was staying at, so naturally, I felt that the only reason he called was because he was put out. But once he got to the house he said he was going to leave to stay with his mom or another friend that it wasn’t right for him to stay at my place considering the circumstances. But I insisted that he stayed. And so he did, and we “did"...today I am getting an earful from everyone about how he is using me as a fall back cause of what happened and how I should kick him out and not take him back and all these horrible things and in some ways I agree but I also know for a fact that with him home, I felt OK for the first time since he left. I am just so lost and not sure how to handle the situation, should I let him stay for a while till he figures things out or tell him to leave. We are not sharing a bed nor are we saying we are together...he just needed help and came to me for it...I can't see myself turning him down. But I don't know if I my judgment is clouded by emotions and he is just using me or if he actually wants to be home and just happened to find an opportunity to get back there. Please help me! I need an un-biest opinion at this point!
Answer
Dear Veronica,
Your emotions may be clouding your judgement. He isn't telling you that he wants to make this work that he loves you and your child and would do anything to make things right. It doesn't sound like that and anything short of that - you deserve better. I wouldn't allow him to stay nor would I have any contact with him.... It may be hard to turn him down when he needs you, but try to remember that it was his choice to leave you and your relationship - not yours.... It's not right for him to stay at your place until he makes other arrangements you aren't a boarding house..... It will also just make it that much more confusing and hurtful for you. Explain to him that you feel for him, but these are the choices that he made... We teach people how to treat us so if you allow him to stay even when he isn't treating you the right way you have just taught him that it is ok to just come around when he wants or needs to, that it is ok to have sex without a relationship, and basically that he can do whatever he wants..... Do you REALLY want that???? Good Luck
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