Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/27/2009

Question
In a nutshell, my boyfriend and I have had a tumultuous 2 years together.  When we first met, he was with his childhood sweetheart, and he played the both of us at the same time.  He also made sure he pitted us against each other, to ensure he always had a lady to fall back on.  Eventually, he "chose" me over her.  However, during the "choosing" process, he went back to her multiple times; during breaks between the two of us and when we were officially together.
He has cheated on me with 3 people that I know of.  One excuse was that he was on drugs (which I refused to tolerate and made him stop). Another excuse was that he was upset with me, we weren't getting along, and he felt the need to cheat as the result as a fight.  Probably to slight me.  He cannot be trusted, as he is very flirty.  His male friends know me as his wifey or girl, but most female friends and the myspace/facebook community don't know who the hell I am.
He and I have broken up and reconciled numerous times. Each break-up is tumultuous and hard; I am heartbroken every time.  However, he always convinces me to come back.  He claims he loves me so much and is in love with me, etc.  Then after a little bit, it goes back to the same old stuff.
I am miserable around him.  He constantly nit picks, accuses me of cheating, disrespects me, belittles me, and becomes verbally and emotionally abusive.  I cannot be right, he is always right.  He claims I am paranoid because I cannot trust him.  His track record won't allow me to.  I am driven to extremes to check up on him.  I drive by his house if he says he is going home, I have created fake myspace and facebook pages and friend requested him as a female to see if he makes moves.  I do not believe a word he says.  I just do not want to get hurt again. He legitimately makes me crazy and bonafide nuts.
I cannot seem to leave him and not look back.  I am pretty certain this relationship sucks, but I cannot figure out how to walk away and not go back.  He is 20, I am 30.  He is not particularly attractive.  Obviously not a winner with personality. He is not successful or educated.  He has had trouble with the law and is spoiled by his parents, who also coddle and allow his behavior.  
Is there any way to rectify this?  I am not dumb, however, he has me so emotionally twisted, I constantly second guess myself and feel guilty for thinking I have fallen out of love.  Manipulators are good for that, unfortunately.  Please help me, before I do something rash.

Answer
Nicole,
At 30 ~ how much more time would you like to waste with a dead end relationship?? You are ALLOWING him to do all of this and no matter how much you bitch and complain ~ he knows that you will accept it at the end of the day.  Don't be pretty certain the relationship sucks ~ it DOES without question.  We allow someone to make us feel certain ways ~ RUN! RUN! RUN! as fast as you can.  You are dealing with a 20 year old child.  When and Why did you give up your own power?? Tell yourself that you did the best you could.... you were in this competition with his ex, but did you really come out a winner??? What was the prize?? According to your email ~ not much... Good Riddance.... You need to start feeling better about yourself and in order to do that you need to be away from this relationship.  Make a decision ~ its really that simple ~ and then block his number from your phone, texts, emails, etc.  Have no contact with him and not to play a game, but rather to do this for yourself.  This relationship is going nowhere..... that I promise you.... The big question here is HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU WANT TO WASTE and WHEN DO YOU WANT TO START FEELING GOOD about yourself???? When you have truly had enough it isn't going to matter who he is with, what he is doing, etc... What will matter is starting to build the pieces of your life back together with the support of your family and some good friends.  Good Luck