Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/9/2009

Question
QUESTION: My boyfriend and i have been dating for two years on and off. He just broke up with me today, he said that he does not want to spend the rest of his life with me but yet he loves me. During our relationship, he had cheated on me with 16 different women more than once with each one but I stayed in the relationship because I live him unconditionally. My question is, what do I do from here, how can we rekindle what we had? He does not like my attitude, but he was the one that cheated, lied, deceitful, what woman would not be angry with this? I found out I was pregnant and he wanted to work things out with me but now there is a possibility of me losing the baby and he said he wants to start over and be friends. He said we were better off friends than we were lovers.

ANSWER: Dear Emily,
This is what you have said to your boyfriend without actually saying it:  You have said... do whatever you want... hurt me.. cheat on me.. lie to me.... disrespect me.... etc... AND I WILL STAY with you no matter what??? My question to you is... WHY??? Why would you want to be with someone like that (I won't even call him a man?)  Even if you were pregnant and had the baby ~ he wouldn't stay ~ your life would be full of him having affairs and disrespecting you.. basically a life of misery.  Take back some of your power and start feeling and believing that you are worth more than this... Seriously.... I wish you would care about yourself just a little to realize that you are worth more than this.... HE IS NEVER going to change.... Don't be his friend... change your number... block him from everything and get him out of your life and get busy creating one of your own.  I feel bad for you because you are trying to force something that is NEVER going to be.... Once you start to feel good about yourself you aren't going to even want him.... Trust me... Good Luck

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I know what you say maybe true and right but why am I having trouble letting go? I just found out last night that he has met this other woman and has known her for a few weeks and now he is getting married in a month. How can this man profess his love for me and then all of the sudden get married to someone he barely knows? What kind of an evil person would do that to another human being? How can anyone break up wtih someone and jump into another one in such a short period of time?

Answer
Dear Emily,
I know you are hurting and want answers and want to feel better, but HE is not going to make you feel better.... Success is the best revenge ~ so throw yourself into your own life.... very hard, but necessary.  Why people do the things they do??? I don't know except that people are people and sometimes they do things that hurt us.... You have to try to get to a point where what he is doing or saying doesn't matter ~ that is why having absolutely no contact with him is so important.... look at how you are feeling now.... terrible.... if you have no contact with him and are busy with your own life you are going to feel better not worse.... Try to stop worrying about what he is doing and start worrying about what you are going to do with your own life.... you will then begin to heal..... The writing is on the wall ~ he is moving on ~ start doing the same....