Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/16/2009

Question
It's been about four months since the actual breakup. I had been feeling like I wanted something more, not a different boyfriend, just more from life or something. The day it happened, he called to my door looking upset. We went for a walk and talked and eventually he started saying things like "you deserve better" and "I have to sort my head out" - the second statement was something he had been saying for while prior to that day.

I got upset and asked him "are you leaving me?Are you breaking up with me?" and he replied "it's not like that", but I couldn't help but feel he was ending it, but was cowardly side stepping any proper details. I started crying and saying "I can't believe this", he started hugging me and telling me he was so sorry and that he loved me so much/ will always love me and that I'm still the best thing that's ever happened to him (because he has had a lot of physically abusive relationships in the past).

I said things to him like, "I hope you come back", to which he replied "I hope I do too",but then he started to say "if you meet anyone else, don't be afraid to hold back just because of me", when I reluctantly repreated that sentence to him, he just said "it's not like that, that for me is not what this is about".

After a month a mutual friend told me my ex had been asking him now and then how I was doing.

I texted my ex after a month because I was so confused about what had happened and thought maybe he just wanted some space but didn't know how to ask for it? We met up in a local pub, talked, but he maintained the way things are at the moment it's just better for us both. Then he said again I'm still the best thing to happen to him and I'm still his chicken ?! - a petname he used to call me... but like, why did he do that?

Then we hugged and I went to sit back but he didn't and our faces were inches apart as we talked, and he still had his hand on my knee and the other on my back. I kissed him and said "sorry" he said "don't be sorry" I kissed him again. Then we walked home and he held my hand - i told him he didn't have to do that, but he shrugged and kept hold of it anyway.

We went back to his and ended up doing it, I don't regret it because I had got into my head that the breakup was cause I wasn't good enough in bed. I was the one to instigate having sex, he at first said "I want to, I really want to, but I'm just afraid you'll..."

A week later he texted me saying he was moving out (which I knew anyway) I went to get my things, but he was very cold towards me, maybe because his other roommate was there and they were in the middle of loading things into the car?

I got my things,left, said goodluck with the new house and that was it.

Two months later he gets facebook, there has been no contact between us, he sends me a friend request,but I've decided to leave it unanswered. I don't really want him to see what I've been up to / not keen to let him into my life so easily after he broke my heart, besides he has my number/email/knows where I live if he wants to say anything.

What do you think about the whole situation? The reasons behind maybe breaking up and why he's decided to add me?... I feel slightly like I've been put in a position of power, and feel he wants to check what I'm up to (in a cowardly way) I don't think he's offering friendship, that just wouldn't work, what do you think?

Answer
Well, he could be trying to open a line of communication, but I agree with you and think that since he has your numbers and emails he should definitely be taking a different approach.  If he wants to get in touch with you ~ he will and nothing will stop him from doing that.  I wouldn't let him know what is going on with your life because if you need to move on ~ having him look at your page is definitely not the way to do it.... Since you still feel pain from the breakup ~ when in doubt ~ don't.  Friendship doesn't work.... until many months and sometimes years pass.  I think you have all of the answers and know the right things to do.... So, rest assured you are doing the right things.... Sometimes it is just comforting knowing that you are..... Good Luck