Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/9/2009

Question
My boyfriend and I are both in our late 40's and have been married before (not to each other).  We had been dating for approx 2 years and about 5 months ago things were not well between us.  I broke off the relationship.  He immediately confided in his best friend (a female) as to what I said and other intimate details of our relationship.  We did our own things for a month or so and after that time we started talking and are now back together taking it slow.  He told me about confiding in his female friend and I have a problem with that.  Before the breakup we would all go to movies and dinner or just hang out at each others houses. (My boyfriend has a 15 year old son and she has a 17 year old daughter and their kids have hung out together for the past 4 years). I accepted their friendship even though I knew they had dated each other 4 years ago. Now I want nothing to do with her and I know he will not stop being her friend and vice versa because he feels he did nothing wrong by confiding in her as he has stated "we were broken up".  I would feel uncomfortable with her around and I have started to wonder what else he has told her that he should be discussing with me.  My boyfriends birthday (as well as the holidays) are coming up and she and her daughter have always been invited to these functions but I don't want them there.  I don't want to be around them.  What do I do?

Answer
Dear Deb,
I'm sorry to break the news, but he had every right to talk to and confide in whomever he chose to ~ the 2 of you were broken up.  If you choose (and it is definitely your choice) to try and work this out with him.... you have to accept it and get over it and accept the fact that this woman is going to be in his life.  Otherwise, the relationship will never work because it isn't fair or right to ask him to eliminate people from his life unless he cheated on you with her or is still emotionally involved with her.  I wouldn't want them at these events either, but the problem is (especially when we are older) that people have had lives and other people in their lives prior to us and vice versa.  So, if you want this to work out..... you are going to have to soul search and find a way to accept that she is the person he turns to and that she and her daughter are going to be around for the long haul..... If you can't accept it ~ tell him ~ and then move on..... because it will cause you a lot of misery.... Good Luck