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About ***ERICA***
Expertise
A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee ~ it hurts. It requires a lot of personal reflection and change. It's never easy. I will tell you that I am extremely blunt and honest in my answers. I WILL NOT answer any questions asked by anyone under the age of 18. If you are looking for someone to sugarcoat the truth ~ please ask someone else. Also, I am only giving you my expert advice ~ I am not a fortune teller ~ I cannot predict the future and my main focal point is to help you get through a very difficult time because I have been there. XOXO
Experience
BBA
Expert in the How to Attract that Man of Your Dreams
Engaged numerous times ~ grew from a self destructive person to a healthy woman.
Hope to have helped many people go through this extremely difficult time.
Firm believer in the book/movie: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ~ it is that simple
Education/Credentials
BBA
MBA
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > Dealing with breakup, broken heart and having to work with her
Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/6/2009
Question
I need some advice! Have been dating a girl from work since March 08 and broke up a few days ago, I am having a hard time getting over her and have to see her at work a few times a week. I am at this point not sending any emails, text messages, ect. We both met at work through instant messaging and talking on the phone every day for months. She was just going through the process of a divorce when we first met so probably should have broke it off then but I didn't.
She has three kids and just recently introduced them to me as the divorce was over at least I thought it was. Come to find out ever since she filed for divorce her ex husband would come down and stay at her house, drive her car, she even would pick him up from the airport and stay at the house so I was told he could see the kids. H would no stay at his mothrs house that was around the block!
We were doing great but before each trip the ex would make here we would always get into arguments regardng the ex, asked why he couldn't stay at his moms, get a hotel room or even have him
rent his own car.
Over the weekend when he was here she told me that she was going back to him and for me not t contact her, I am struggling with this but have gone 4 days without contact with her.
We would break up like once a month, we would start to text message and tell each other how much we loved each other and this would usually last till the nex time the ex would come down.
I just need to know what would make her file for divorce, get the divorced final and then 4-5 months later go back with the ex? I also found out she was taking antidepressants and drinking every time I would see her. What is the best way for me to move on with my life? She loved me one day and the next it was over, is this typical of women who recently filed for a divorce to ge back with their ex? I am so confused, I loved her and her three kids, would have done anything for them then I find out one day it's over. We would have sex up through last week and was told how much I was loved, now today I sit here trying to get her out of my mind, threw out all gifts she ever got me, got rid of emails, texts, pictures everything.
Answer
Dear Greg,
Many women end up going back to their husbands or ex-husbands because they want to keep the family unit together. They want to raise the children together. Whatever the reason for their divorce they still had unfinished business to resolve. Unfortunately, you got caught up in the cross fire of the situation. You didn't deserve it, but her feelings won out in the end. She gave you the closure that you need ~ now you just have to start dealing with the pain and healing from it. No matter how much you loved her and her children she chose to go back with her husband/ex-husband. This isn't a reflection on you and what he had to offer versus what you had to offer, but rather a strong desire to keep their family intact. I am sure that she cared about you... But, reality has set in. I am a firm believer in no contact to heal.... The only thing that is really going to get you through this is time... Start surrounding yourself with great people, doing the things that you enjoy doing, and understanding that it wasn't you..... You will once again start to smile and feel like yourself, but it takes time. I'm sorry that you were the one caught up in the middle of it.... Try to find peace in knowing that for the children's sake they are trying to make it work.... Good Luck
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