Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/7/2009

Question
Hi, im in a really difficult position and i just dont know what to do.
About 8 months ago i broke up with this guy because he cheated on me, we had been going out for over a year. I was heartbroken and devastated because he had played me and messed with my heart.
I then met this guy, John, at a party and we started talking. He was so lovely and so sweet and to be honest i liked the attention i was getting, especially after how my ex treated me.

Me and John spoke every day, by text or instant messenger, and things were going well. When it was summer, we were both going away and he told me he liked me. I was really happy and while i was abroad we were texting everyday and he seemed really into me, he even called me and we spoke for hours. But then, at the end of our holiday, he just stopped. No warning or anything. He stopped texting, calling. So i texted him but he never text me bak. I left him and didnt hear from him at all. All my friends were telling me he was just messing me about and to forget him.

However, i came back to England and a few days later he started talking to me on instant messenger (this was end of august). he apologised and said he didnt know what he wanted but he knew he liked me so if i was willing to wait and give him a chance to decide. I did and it went on for about 3 weeks and one day he walked me home and we kissed. But he regretted it straight away saying he shouldnt have kissed me because he doesnt know what he wants.

a few days later (early septemeber) we arranged to meet up and he told me he just wanted to be friends because he is going to go to uni and definately doesnt want a girlfriend.

i was upset, obviously and felt i had been messed around again just like my ex but i agreed to be friends with him because i still wanted him in my life so we spoke.

Recently (end of october) ive started to get to know this guy at my school, Greg, who is the complete opposite of anything i usually go for in a guy. He isnt my type at all but there is something about him that makes me feel special, i cant explain it, something i like. he kissed me just before i went to spain and we spoke a lot whilst i was in spain. When i came back, me and greg agreed to see how things go with us and not make anything offical yet as we dont want to completely mess up our friendship. i was really happy and getting on with things and didnt really give john a second thought as more than a friend.

however, about three days ago john started talking to me but being overly flirty and called me to tell me he still likes me. i told him i think we are better off as friends and that it wouldnt really work with us because of how he was with me before. But to be honest, it really upset me. I liked him so much and he just wanted to be friends and now as i start to move on he wants me again. To me it seems like he just wants the chase but doesnt really want me. I think i deserve better than how he treated me and thats what my friends say to.

But i thought everything was okay but i bumped into him last night. He asked me to talk and his family was all ther, some of whom ive met before. They were messing about asking john if i was his girlfriend and telling him to take me home to meet the parents. It was very akward, as they all think something is going on between us. John then spoke to me and told me he really likes me. We spoke all evening but i kept to my morals.

He took me to get an ice cream and was really off with me. I told him how i was still his friend afterwards and he said he would do the same it would just be hard. Then when i came home he had texted me saying: i hope u and ur new guy are happy and things go well, im not sure when i am going to be able to see you or speak to you even though i desperately do, i really like you and it will take me ages to get over someone like you. i just wanted to make you happy but i dont think i can now, i am not sure what is goinf to happen or what i am going to do, im sorry.

the fact that he doesnt wanna be friends and doesnt want me in his life is really upsetting for me and i just dont know if i have made the right choice by not going back to him as soon as he said he wants me.

Please help me and give me honest and truthful advice.
I just need some reassurance to know i am doing the right thing

thanks

x

Answer
Dear Melanie,
Ok... so what you are questioning is whether or not you should feel upset because John decides HE NOW wants to be with you and you didn't drop everything, throw your arms around him, and kiss the ground that he walks?? Are you kidding me??  Here is a new guy who (even though he is typically not your type) who treats you great and you are happy with, but are willing to throw it away for a "maybe" John will be around???? That is only a decision you can make, but this one should be easy.... Obviously, the "normal" type of guy you go for hasn't worked thus far, so maybe you needed someone who wasn't your "normal" type of guy.  It's kind of funny because the man who I plan to marry within the next couple of weeks ~ is NOT MY TYPE of guy at ALL ~ in the beginning I struggled with that terribly, but the way he made me feel and the way he is as a MAN won me over completely and I couldn't be happier or more content in my relationship.  There are no questions, there is no "icky" feeling, there is no doubt, and that is what a true loving relationship is all about..... You are the only one who can make the decision, but in my opinion ~ stick with the new ~ throw out the old and don't be his friend right now because it's only going to confuse you anyway..... Good Luck