Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/13/2009

Question
My girlfriend 46 and I 33 broke up last week. Neither of us have ever been married or have kids. Long story short, we have been together over 2 years and lived together most of that time, except last winter when we were seperated due to jobs. Our relationship was not perfect, but we did had a healthy, loving relationship with a mindset to marriage. We shared the same religious values. We have been abstinate for over a year while living together at her request- I respect her morals and to be truthful, I am more attracted to her now than when we were intimate. I love her  No one ever cheated. We were best friends. That all changed last Sat. around 5pm. We live on a 14 mile long island 30 miles from the mainland. I had to go off island to run some errands, one of them was buying her Christmas present.  When I got home at 5, she was gone and most of her stuff as well. There was no note. By the look of things I know she did not plan this beforehand. We had actually been getting along better than ever recently and had a very romantic dinner the night before. We did have a bit of a texting argument Sat. morning as I had lied about going off island to buy presents for obvious reasons, maybe not so obvious now. She does have trust issues from her past relationships. I also lied to her last winter about going to church when we were seperared by distance. Back to the breakup- she blocked my # from her phone. She blocked me on Facebook. I had nor have any real way to communicate with her. Living on an island prevents me from driving to places she mighy be on the mainland. She finaly sent me a short email after I sent her maybe 20. All it said was "I have decided to end this relationship. Please do not contact me." WTF!!! I think she might have been kidnapped. Of course I sent a couple 100 more frantic emails to her and got no reply. So after a week of this I composed a final,rational email where I offered options like couples counseling but focused more on the positive things we had. I told her that I would respect her wish of no contact, and have not emailed her at all during the 2nd week we have been broken up. I did not expect a reply, did not ask for one,nor did I get one. I cannot begin to move on from this relationship under these circumstances. Its like she died- in fact the pain is worse than when my parents died. Most of our household things we had gotten together she left, so her memory is everywhere. She does have to come back to the island over thanksgiving week for her job. I dont know what to do. I love her. Of course the manner in which she left was cruel, but I am more upset that she left at all. She was my best friend. I know she has a kind heart. She did have issues with our age difference. Is this her way of setting me free? Please tell me what to do?

Answer
Dear Ben,
As sad as this situation sounds ~ it appears that she has made a decision and is sticking with it.  She has decided to move on with her life and that this isn't the relationship that she wants.  When someone is that abrupt and short ~ they usually have their mind made up at that point.  I would definitely NOT contact her in any way because any communication that you may or may not have with her is not going to be good.  Respect her decision and unfortunately you are stuck picking the pieces of your life and putting them back together.  Breakups are horrible and even worse when you don't have closure.  She has had this in her head for some time.  We don't just wake up one day ~ pack all of our things and then disappear into thin air.  People usually put some thought and time into a decision.  The best thing to do is to let her go and start to put your life into some kind of working order... slowly, but surely.  Whatever her reasoning is ~ she has clearly made up her mind and once you accept that only then will you be able to start moving on.  Surround yourself with great people and force yourself to do things even if you don't want to.  Good Luck..