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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > is my ex string me along?
Expert: Julie - 11/6/2009
Question
Dear Julie, How are you? Hope you enjoy your holiday. I'm the one who ask you questions about "join ex facebook" before, currently my ex bf and me back together after a long time of no contact as he told me he always miss me, and think about me and ask me to spend sometime with him, we did spent time together, he embraced me, kissed me and told me that he miss me so much he wanted to have sex with me but I controlled myself and told him that it not the time for sex yet between two of us, if we do we will enjoy it very much later as I thought myself that I didn't want to jump back so quickly. He told me that he never forget about me and think of me frequently, I also confided to him that it was very hard for me to forget him as before he was a very caring lover, so we did spend a nice and intimacy time together without sex, he wanted to spend the whole night with me but I didn't want to as I thought we just started things again so I would like to take things slowly, we parted way after spending about more than 2 hours together, the next following day he didn't mesg me (he always mesg me before whenever after we spent time together), so I mesg him and asked if he arrived home safely last night, he replied to me like to a friend, the next day after that he never mesg me either, I did mesg him again to ask him how was his day so far, he replied to me again as a friend and when I ask him if he missed me he said "of course i do miss you, my love", he suggested me to mesg each other as he worked on night shift yesterday, we did chat to each other through instand mesg on our phone and then he just suddenly become quiet without telling any reason (I knew I didn't say anything wrong in my mesg), eventhough i asked him what happen but receive no reply form him since last night. Julie, I actually don't know what happen with him, what he did actually has in his mind? how come just one day he made me felt like he really loved me and wanted to be with me and then the next following days he made me felt like I was the one who followed him, felt like i was the stalker. What can I do now Julie? It's really a painful situation, and I'm in the middle of my final exam as well, thank you very much for your time and your support.
Answer
Hello again, sorry to hear nothings changed. I think that he got what he wanted from you, got the reassurance you still care about him and want him and that was enough to boost his ego so he was able to push you away again. Of course its a painful situation, because this keeps happening over and over again, with the same results.
You really need to cut him off completely unless he comes to you and tells you he wants to work things out and get back together. Otherwise trust me this is going to continue for as long as you allow it. He'll never have any incentive of getting back together with you as long as he knows he can have you at his beck and call. The only way he'll want to come back is if he feels like he's losing you. He'll say anything to keep you stringing along for his own benefit..
Trust me i've had ex boyfriends chase me then when they got what they wanted, same thing..next day they are distant again..that went on until I put a stop to it. And thats what you need to do.
Good luck on your final exam!
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