Expert: Julie - 11/7/2009

Question
QUESTION: My boyfriend says he doesn't love me anymore and has felt like that for about 6 weeks. He just feels 'numb'. He finally broke the new to me and it was a shock to say the least.
We have talked and cried together over it and he's willing to try to find the love rather than just giving up what we had.
We have a couples counselling session in a few days time and I give what I am looking for is validation that we could find the love that he says he's not sure is there anymore.

ANSWER: Well there could be a number of reasons why he doesn't feel like he loves you anymore, he could be going through something stressful or maybe he's taking you and the relationship for granted. Its great that you both have the counsel sessions planned but I would also suggest trying to take a little bit of time apart. The reason why I say this is because without you being around, it will let him know how he feels about you. I felt as though at one point with one of my boyfriends I had fallen out of love with him. I broke up with him and within one month I felt I missed him and realized I truly did love him still. I was able to figure out what went wrong in the relationship to make me feel that way.
That could help as well if you can stand it, I'd say that is the best way for him to see how he feels along with the couples counseling.
If he truly doesn't love you anymore, time apart will only make him start to realize this also as in he won't miss you and feel like he can live without you in his life. But bottom line is if he truly does love you, he will miss you and want you back in his life. Sometimes people don't truly know the feelings they have for someone until that person is gone from their life. But I do suggest that you also go along with the couples counseling. If that doesn't seem to be helping, I suggest the time apart and just see each other for the counseling.

good luck

Julie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you Julie.
We are have been apart for one night so far and what you said has confirmed what I thought was the best course of action. I am going to stay at my mum's for as long as it takes for him find what he really wants. I want him back but it has to be that he loves me rather than staying because he doesn't want to hurt me.
Fingers crossed that he realises that he does love me.
Once again thank you

Answer
Your welcome. You are doing the right thing. Another thing I want to point out is don't ask him at any point how he's feeling, he might feel pressured. Don't pressure him at all in this situation. This is something he needs to realize on his own, and he needs to sort out his feelings. If your constantly 'there', its never gonna happen.
A good friend of mine went through this recently, her ex was constantly in her face..asking her how it felt to be apart. She didn't even begin to realize her feelings until he left her alone and starting doing his own thing, which then made her wonder what he's up to, and then she got scared she might lose him. Thats when she realized she truly loved him. It took her about a month to realize this.
It may take your boyfriend a while, it may not..but trust me, giving him all the space he needs and as much of it, can help things along faster.
If he does decide he doesn't love you, its definitly not going to be because of the distance. It just means his feelings were truly gone and distance or not, nothing would've changed. Distance only puts feelings into perspective. Right now his feelings are just clouded. A lot of couples actually do go through this, usually from boredom with one another, problems in the relationship..etc.
If he does love you and wants you back, try doing different things together, try to remain mysterious at times, don't spend too much time together..that will help to keep the spark alive.