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About ***ERICA***
Expertise
A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee ~ it hurts. It requires a lot of personal reflection and change. It's never easy. I will tell you that I am extremely blunt and honest in my answers. I WILL NOT answer any questions asked by anyone under the age of 18. If you are looking for someone to sugarcoat the truth ~ please ask someone else. Also, I am only giving you my expert advice ~ I am not a fortune teller ~ I cannot predict the future and my main focal point is to help you get through a very difficult time because I have been there. XOXO
Experience
BBA
Expert in the How to Attract that Man of Your Dreams
Engaged numerous times ~ grew from a self destructive person to a healthy woman.
Hope to have helped many people go through this extremely difficult time.
Firm believer in the book/movie: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ~ it is that simple
Education/Credentials
BBA
MBA
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups > what does he really want with me?
Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/5/2009
Question
My ex and I dated for 1 1/2 years. things were good between us and then he started withdrawing from me. when i asked him what was wrong he said the he felt like he was just going through the motions. he said he still had feelings for me and wanted to keep seeing me. i was so shocked. i told him that i was very sad and that i didn't want to deal with it, so i was going to hold off on telling people that we were broken up, he said that he was going to do the same. we kept seeing eachother after that. he planned a very romantic valentines day, took me on a weeks vacation to Mexico and we spent time with his family a few different times. this went on for 3 months. i finally asked him one night that we were together what was going on with us and said that if we were broken up, then we were broken up. he said he didn't know and just sat there. we cried that night. it was like neither of us wanted to break up, but neither would step forward and do something about it. we saw each other for 2 more months and i asked him again what was going on with us. i asked him if we were just friends, he said he didn't know. after that i decided that i couldn't see him anymore. he would call me on the phone and we would talk, he would tell me that he missed me and wanted me in his life, but then he wouldn't really do anything about it and i was waiting for him to figure out what he wants. in the middle of July i finally told him i couldn't just be friends with him, that it was too hard. we stopped talking then. no communication until the end of Sept. i called him. i still missed him so much and wanted to see how he was doing. we talked for about 30 mins and it was just like old times. then about 2 weeks later i ran into him. i was busy running errands and he was working, so we weren't able to say more than a few words to eachother, was basically just hi and bye. well he called me that afternoon to apologize for not being able to talk. we talked for 30 mins and he kept bringing up personal things about when we were together (our trip, when we would cuddle, etc.) i was very excited, thinking that maybe we were getting back on track. he called me then 4 days later and asked me if he could come over to visit, my daughter was sick, so i told him no, but we talked for 40 mins and he said he would come over some other time. i was so happy. the phone calls were both initiated by him and he wanted to see me. i then got a call from him 1 week later. he called to tell me that he had started dating someone else and that he couldn't just be friends with me. he asked me how i felt about it. i lied and said that we were broken up and that if he was dating someone else, i was fine with it. I'm not fine with it. i want him to be with me. if he doesn't want to be with me, why is he calling me? why is he asking me how i feel about it? do i still have a chance with him?
Answer
Dear Angela,
Obviously you were aware that he wasn't happy in the relationship and let him go to figure things out. However, you were the one who made initial contact in hopes that he would want to work things out. This turned out to not be the case. He wanted to spend some time with you which is only natural because the two of you were involved for quite some time. The fact that he called you to tell you he started dating someone else is a clear sign that he just isn't that into you which is ok... Rejection hurts terribly, but you can't make someone want to be with you ... That's great that you told him you were fine with it even though you weren't.... NOW, don't have any more contact with him ... if he calls you ~ don't answer... texts.. don't respond.... NOTHING.... He clearly has made a decision.... Why do you care if you still have a chance with him... the real question here should be... would you even give him the time of day now???? He probably enjoyed catching up to you, but if he was really "feeling" it.... the outcome would have been different. I'm sorry, but it's true. Now you have to start getting busy making your own life and evenutally putting yourself out there again. Give yourself some time to heal and realize that you are a FABULOUS person and deserve to be with someone who wants to be with YOU!!!! Good Luck
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