Expert: ***ERICA*** - 11/23/2009

Question
My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year. We definitely have a lot of fun times, but also bad times. We spend pretty much all of our free time together. Lately, at least once a month he'll snap and say really hurtful things to me. Like "We shouldn't go out anymore." "You're a bitch." ect.. The day after, he'll call me and apologize and say he was just mad. He says that we shouldn't hang out as much and take breaks from one another, and I agree. But he is always the one asking me to hang out and usually I do want to hang out. So, I never really know if he actually wants to hang out or is just asking me cause he feels like he has too. After we get into arguments, all I do is mope around my house and cry. I feel horrible and the only thing that makes me feel better is when we makeup. Sometimes he can be so nice and other times, he's so mean. I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth hurting this much. He also has a 4 year old daughter, who he has full custody of and her mother walked out on them too. I'm afraid that if we break up, it'll crush her to have 2 people walk out on her aswell since we're really close and I often watch her on days that I don't have classes.Evertime I'm on the verge of breaking up with him, I think about how alone I'll be. All my friends are in different colleges then I and I've kind of isolated myself from them since I met my boyfriend. My family and I aren't close either and never see eye to eye. So what I'm most of afraid of is being completely alone. I don't know what to do and if it's even worth feeling as bad as I do. And if we break up, how do I meet new people to spend my time with and get over him? He's also my nextdoor neighbor, so it's not like I can completly shut myself off from him, since he's less then 50 feet away.

Answer
Dear Samantha,
I would definitely try to add new interests and new people into your life.... You need them... Isolation leads to depression and when you put all of your focus on just one thing or one person you lose sight of what is acceptable/not acceptable and any feelings of independence.  When he asks you to do things..... tell him no once in awhile and see if that improves the relationship, but don't make excuses for him and accept disrespectful behavior because the more you do the more he will do it.  You meet new people by reaching out to them either at work, school, church, etc.  Start reaching out and definitely begin your own life.  You will start to feel better about you and not feel the "need" to have someone.  It's actually ok to be alone because it's better to be alone then lonely with someone or emotionally abused.  Good Luck