Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/3/2009

Question
Dear Erica,
I'd first like to say that I appreciate what you and everyone else do for the common person. I have read over many Breakup/How to deal with Breakup articles on this site, yet I haven't found what I'm looking for. Please forgive me, for this e-mail is quite long. Yet, I am very worried on what I should do. Even now, writing this, I have a great amount of nervousness/anxiety of how my problem will be worked out. Here is my situation: I am 18 years old, and have been dating my girlfriend for 2 and a half years, and we are very happy together. Her name is Jessica, she is 19, and she is amazing. Though we have been through many rocky times, I really think we are perfect for each other. She knows everything about me and vice versa. To say that I love her would be an understatement.
Really, the only problem we have is that she can be quite negative and very jealous at times. If she gets mad at me, she will resort to not speaking to me and it's hard to get her to act normal toward me again, but indeed I do it. For example, she is so paranoid about me hanging out with other girls, even though I have more girl-friends than guy-friends (I'm not sure if that’s a good or bad thing). But nothing happens when I am with those girls. The biggest of the rocky times are this: she once broke up with me to go hang out with some guy she met on the internet. He lived in the UK, and he flew here, got a hotel, and she went to go meet him there. Though she says nothing happened because he was a weirdo, and she realized what she was doing was absolutely stupid, I still have my doubts. As well, once we broke up, I went out with this other girl for a little bit and she found out, and was upset as you could guess. Ever since then, we have been perfectly fine, yet we have our paranoid moments.
In about one year, I will be moving to California for college, and I cannot make up my mind if I should break up with her or not. She doesn’t want to move to Cali, yet she doesn’t want to leave me whatsoever either. I have asked many people for their opinion and I still have no answer for myself. Some people say stay with her, and others say go out and explore the World, there is a right person for everyone, yet I’m scared that she may be the only one for me and I don’t want to pass it up..Though I may seem young and unknowledgeable about what other girls could be out there, I think I will never find someone like her. Our relationship is solid, we have such a strong connection that I think I will never find someone else that I could be that close to. I would marry her in a few years, that’s our connection.
I’m wondering what I should do. She doesn’t want to move with me, but loves me tons. Of course, the question could be asked, ‘If she loves you, why wont she come with you?’, and I have thought about that as well. I’m just afraid if I make the wrong decision, I will regret it for the rest of my life and I will never find someone that understands me as much as she does.
Here it stands:  Should I break up with her and hopefully I will find someone sometime in the future? Or should I do something else? I have no idea, this decision has been haunting my dreams on what to do, it eats away my day and I’m desperate for a true answer. So, I was hoping I could get a true-to-the-heart response.

Please help me!!

From a hopeless guy,

Alex.


Answer
Dear Alex,
You really are the only one who can make the decision that you are comfortable with.  I can tell you this... College is one of the best times of your life and in California... there are so many things you are going to experience.... If you stay together I have a feeling that you will want to explore different things anyway because college brings so many changes... some good some bad, but all about finding out who you are and what you want out of life.  It may be a good thing that she isn't moving out there with you because then you will feel an obligation because she did move.  Give yourself a chance to be alone and enjoy some time for you.  You should be allowed to have whatever friends you want in your world...regardless of the sex of the person because relationships are built on trust and respect.  As long as you are respectful and trustworthy ~ whatever else she is feeling is her own baggage.  Thus, with this said.. you have to do what you have to do, but your getting ready to face some big changes and new experiences... LOVE LIFE... we only get one chance at it... Good Luck....   PS.  If the 2 of you are meant to be you will end up together at a better time for both of you :)