Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/23/2009

Question
Not sure if this is the right category... but IL post anyway.. sorry.

I was friends with this girl at work for over a year, i wasn't attracted to her at first, although I think she may have been. Anyway we became good friends, and we would speak all the time. About 6 months ago i realized I had fallen in love with her, but i was too scared to say anything as she had found a boyfriend. We get on so well, but at the same time annoy the hell out of each other at times.

3 months ago she confronted me about my feelings and I told her, she said nothing could happen as she had a boyfriend. I said fine, i was heart broken but left it at that.

Then 2 months ago, she split with her boyfriend, and we got close, we would talk on the phone for hours at night, planned to meet up over Xmas and even went out for a meal, where i hugged her and she later asked if i wanted to kiss her, i said no, you would slap me.. she replied maybe, maybe not. Now i thought she was interested in being more then friends.

We recently had an argument, it was all a mis understanding, mis-interpretation- but the thing is she now says she does not fancy me or want to date me, she says that she always thought of me as a friend and nothing more. I know i have mis-read everything, but god it hurts, it hurts soo much... I'm in tears as i write this now, i have thrown all her reminders, gifts etc.. but i cry every morning and night, im always looking at the clock thinking she will be doing this or this.

This is soo painful, I probably never meant anything to her. I loved her more than she will ever know, am in soo much pain. I know i must let go, she should be happy, she has had rough times, too many. This is so painful to say but she deserves the best, she deserves to find someone who will love her as much as i did, but who she will love too.

What do i do, we work together, will the pain stop... what about when i go back?... im scared, it will come back..

Answer
Dear Aron,
Rejection hurts really bad..... and the fact that you work with her doesn't help the situation, but don't blame yourself or this misunderstanding.  When two people become close sometimes one of the parties develops interest in the other, sometimes both do, and sometimes neither do.  You started to care about her in a romantic way and there is nothing wrong with that..... However, she has told you on 2 occassions that she doesn't want to be more than friends ~ she seems to test the waters when she is hurting, but the truth is she doesn't want to be with you in that way.  Now... with that said.... give yourself some time to heal... I know it hurts... the pain will eventually subside, but you need some space ~ period... without space you won't accept the situation or heal..... The good thing is that the 2 of you are close friends and since you didn't have sex with each other or complicate things too bad... once you are over her in a romantic way ~ you may be able to save the friendship if you want to.  Good Luck and Happy Holidays...