Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/23/2009

Question
My recently ex-boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago for reasons still unknown. We had been together for 2 and a half months and everything had been as close to perfect as it could get.

We met the 1st weekend of school..I'm 19 and a freshman and he's 21 and a soph/junior at Reinhardt College. He's a drinker and has had some serious problems with it in the past (he was a Auburn University but began failing many many classes due to drinking, got really depressed and moved to PCB the 1st part of this year and is now at RC), he got arrested that weekend for underage consumption and now has to attend 2 AA meetings a week.

We have never fought, not once...we spend lots of time with each other's families and my family loves him and his family loves me. We spend a lot of time together doing the most random fun stuff...hiking, concerts, backpacking, road trips to the beach. We even study together. We spend the night together every weekend, and our relationship definitely does not revolve around sex. We spent the entire weekend together - from friday at noon when I took him to the doctor because he broke his thumb and went to hang out with his dad, spent the night together that night and he told me he loved me, all day saturday and sat night, all day sunday and sunday night and then sunday night he broke up with me because he "thought he was ready for a serious relationship but he wasn't" he said he "needed to find some answers" and that it had nothing to do with any of his ex's, other girls or me..that it was his problems. It killed him though, he cried the whole time and was a wreck the whole week.

I went to stay with him last week and he said he had thought about it and he wanted to take a longer break because he still didn't have answers but he misses being with me and he doesn't like being apart, i'm still really special to him and he still likes me a lot. We slept together that night and when we kissed for the 1st time in 2 weeks it felt like we had kissed for the 1st time again, it was electrifying and i know he felt it too.

I don't know why he broke up with me and he said he didn't know if we were going to get back together. I think it has a lot to do with the alcohol and his ex girlfriend Destinee. They dated their senior year of high school and part of their freshman year in college. He told me he didn't like her when they started dating, he just did because his "friends thought she was hot". I think they said i love you way too soon and he didn't mean it. I know things got really serious reallyy fast and it scared Owen but he didn't do anything to stop it or slow it down and their relationship ended up being all about sex. He had always told me he didn't want our relationship to be like that because it was one big mistake. I think when he told me he lived me it scared him because i don't think he was ready to tell me and he thought it was going to be a repeat of his last relationship (which has been over for 2 years). I wrote him a letter a few days ago, but I haven't talked to him since and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it all.

Answer
Dear Lauren,
You need to stop being there for him and stop communicating with him period.  He is having his cake and eating it too.  He knows that you are there for him, yet he is doing whatever it is that he wants to do without promising you a thing.  The reason that the 2 of you have broken up is because he doesn't want to be with you.  It's that simple..... But, you getting over being hurt isn't that simple.  Once you accept that he is being selfish and stop making excuses for him you will heal.... Time is the only thing that helps us get over a breakup.  That and NO CONTACT..... He shouldn't benefit by being blessed with your precious time when he doesn't want you enough to be in a relationship with you.  YOU are much better than that and DESERVE a lot more.  Let him see what it is like to lose you and not have you around at all.  Don't hold on to hope because it won't let you heal.  Accept that this relationship is over, he made that decision, but you are going to be ok...... Good Luck.... TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!!