Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/9/2009

Question
QUESTION: hello and thank you for taking my question.. I have been dealing with the breakup of my girlfriend of a year and a half. Things were going well at the beginning. She had just recently broke up with her ex and three weeks later she met me. We hit it off right away but as the relationship went on she complained every now and then that she needed to get stuff out her system, that she needed to do stuff. After i asked her what it was she told me about goin out with her friends. I always let her go out and didnt have a problem since she told me her last relationship her ex wouldnt let her go out alone. Well she went away for the summer to work after she graduated from school and i had made every effort to see her while she worked upstate while i was in the city. when she came back one of her guy friends who she has known about two years wanted to take her out for her birthday. i met him once but she never formally introduced me. i had a lil feeling that he liked her. she decided to take his invitation and go out. i told her how uncomfortable it made me feel. she ended up goin out and not comin back home to where she lived till 3am. i was furious and i had tried to call her but she said she lost her cell phone. this was the second time she stayed out that late. the first time she lost her cell phone and was her girlfriend in a club where they met two guys. i confronted her and told her what if that were me?? she said she wouldnt like it but cant stop me. i explained that i would never put the situation forward in the first place. well now 3 months later we tried to talk but theres still hurt on my part. i did everythin for her. drive her and take her anywhere. even on 3 vacations. but now i feel used since shes working now and wants to go out with her friends. after we broke up she said she was waiting for me to ask her to marry her.. how confusing since shes been sayin that she wants to be neutral. i need help and on top of that she owes me about 2k.. stupid me for lending money it was for medical reasons.. we're ten years apart 25 to my 35....thanks for listening

ANSWER: Dear Lewis,
She obviously doesn't respect you enough.  She wants to still party and at 25 maybe that is what she needs to do.  But, I do know this.... if she really cared about you and respected you things wouldn't be going this way.  You don't lose cell phones, you have no business meeting guys in a club, etc. when you are in a relationship.  Therefore, she just isn't that into you.  Stop being her fall back guy ~ the more you are there for her the less respect she is going to have for you.  Don't have any contact with her and if she isn't begging to get back with you in a few months ~ count your lucky stars.  Tell her you want your money back and to not force your hand by having to take her to small claims court.  She's stringing you along and at this point in your life I am almost certain that you want more then that for yourself.  Put a payment plan into place and have her mail you the payments... then block her from everything... take back the power and self respect that you deserve.  Good Luck

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for that quick response... Shes been working now for about two months. When we broke up she promised that she would pay me back when she started working. Im being a lil chicken to ask her because of her reaction. She would probably say things like " is that all you care about guilt?"  But im goin to get it back.. Any tid bits on how not to be the fall guy next time?Sometimes i could be too nice

Answer
Dear Lewis,
Always be yourself, but don't do so much too quickly and set boundaries!!  Don't let this situation change you, but allow it to make you more cautious.... Always maintain your self respect and confidence (that is very attractive) ~ help the person that you fall in love with, but make sure that they love you the same..... Don't give someone that doesn't deserve your love so much..... You will know when someone is genuine.... there won't be so many questions and GET YOUR MONEY BACK!! It's not your problem that she has chosen not to get a job.... .Good Luck