Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/24/2009

Question
Good Day, first of all i want to apologize because my English is bad hope you can understand...My story is very long and i want to tell everything what happenings around me because this problem bothered me so much. I have 2years and 11months live in partner he is just 21years old and i am 23years old i am the oldest. On the day my partner courted me i confess everything that I'm not a clean woman someone is supporting my family every month and he is the one who pay everything and my work is an escort service (something dirty work). He was so surprised because he cant imagine that the girl he used to respect is a ( pay girl ) I am doing this work because i am the one who shoulder everything i am the breadwinner of my family. Every month i am sending money to my grandmother and my three cousins  first year collage fourth year high school and first year high school i am the one who pay the tuition and then to my father and to my sister and brother they are all my responsibilities since i meet this old man. but my partner is admire me most and felt sorry for having a miserable life. but we made an agreement that don't ask me to stop my work and to break up with my old man because i wont take any chances. after a months i got pregnant to my partner not to the old man. I made a decision i talk to the  old man that he is the father of my son. because i cant afford to lose the old man because he is the one who sustained everything. 9months after i deliver a baby boy and after 1 year i am starting with my work and then the old man knows everything that he is not the father of my son and i am leave in and then someone told him that i am still working because the old man wants me to stop me but i am stubborn. The old man want to talk with me he wants explanation i confess everything then he forgive me he gave me another chance he wants me to stop communicating with my leave in partner and he will continue my monthly allowance. but then i refused the offer  i told him that i don't want to be a broken family because i know whats the feeling without mother and father i don't want my son experienced what I've been through because its really hard growing up without them, my grandma the one who raise me since i was 5years old up to some college. he gave me another chance he told me that he loves me for five years and then this is what i repay to him. I am very stress at that time i don't know what to do what if i choose my partner he don't have a job he didn't continue his studying because he is lazy and I am the one who pay everything what future we have if i choose him,my mother cried because she never expected that i am going to experienced everything, she told me that i have to choose the old man for the sake of my baby and to other who expecting me then.After two days  I decided to choose the father of my son i am willing suffer and sacrifice everything because I LOVE the father of my son,  i can still back to my work and then support my families. the old man very disappointed for my decision then he never contact me anymore.. And then i work i sex with different guys everyday for me to sustained my responsibility to the people who expect me specially to my grandma. my grandma never ask for money i am the one who offer to pay the bills and etc.. and to my other family member but i never inform my grandma that the old man is not supporting me anymore because i don't want my grandma think too much... everyday is a battle to me i sex different man everyday!! its so hard for me doing this everyday. before i am doing this but twice a week only but now i have to work and work for my son's future. My partner is lazy he never find a job so that he can help me he doesn't care for what happen he just told me that we can survive without the old man. he never knew what  I've been through and I sacrifice everything because of him and i want to have a complete family. After weeks goes by i am very down i really don't know what to do because in my work some other guest don't like me because i am chubby. i tried to talk my partner to find a job and then try to ask his mom for help. because i cant handle everything i am tired anymore and i cant talk to him what really inside me, he should be the one who comfort me at that time but i cant feel the sincerity of his concern. i told him to find a job but then he just answer yes he still finding a job.. after a months realize that he is not worthy to be a father. I regret and ask myself why i choose this kind of guy!!  Some of my friends knows my situation that its okay to my partner that i sex to other man because for the money. I want to know if my partner Love me from the beginning? I cant understand! I want to know If he Loves me or not! Our relationship today is not like before i am not sweet to him maybe it affect for what he does. he found a job now he is still in training a call center agent after 6months of waiting he maybe scared because i try to break up with him because i am very tired of everything we change bad words that he cant accept then he left me then after three days he call me and ask me if its okay to going back home. We had an agreement if you want to stay with me you have to find a job and help for me and for the baby. Then after a week he found a job. But I am not contented with my life  now i want a normal life. I have so many plans for my son's future. what will happen to him when i he grew up and then i don't have any capability to work because I am not fresh anymore. i didn't finish my study then his father is working only as a call center. he didn't finish his study also because very lazy! he didn't took a chance before. I am the one who will pay the tuition. Please help me to lighten my mind and give a right path. please it bother me so much! thanks and God Bless..

Answer
Dear Micah,
First of all ~ I can't even understand that type of lifestyle.  There is nothing in this world that would make me sell my body for money.... nothing.  I understand that in some cultures especially asian ones ~ it is a duty to help and support a family.  However, I am half asian and I would work 3 jobs before EVER degrading myself or my body.  With that said... I am not here to approve or disapprove of your lifestyle.  NO... you shouldn't be with the OLD MAN just so that he can support you.... and NO you shouldn't be with your child's father who is a LAZY bum and not even a MAN who gets up and supports his family.  Why don't you not be with anyone and find a way to better yourself so that you can have a good lifestyle for both you and your child that doesn't make you feel bad about yourself?  Any man who thinks it is ok for his girlfriend to sell her body for money while he isn't working is a lazy scumbag..... If you want a normal life ~ put yourself through school and make one for yourself.... Otherwise you will continue to live a life of misery and god only knows what other dangerous situations you may encounter.  I hope you understand that as a woman ~ I need to try to get it through your head that you deserve better for yourself.  Good Luck..