Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/15/2009

Question
I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. We've broken up 3 times and I told him this is the last time we are trying again. We got back together about a year and half ago. We sorted out all the problems (him growing up, getting a better job, constuctive fighting vs being a 2 year old, what we want in our future, religous views,  etc) he changed a lot and it showed. We do not live together because he ended up getting a better job for about 1 month until they laid him off. Its been a year now with him being unemployed and I think I've been far too patient. I'm sick of him not working and being unmotivated to do so. He looks for a job a few times a week but only for an hour or so. I am sucessful at what I do and am a very motivated person. We are just total opposites in that respect. I wonder if this is a clue as to how its always going to be if we stay together. I feel that I've changed in what I want in a man. I want to be able to share sucesses with someone. I told him I am not sticking arround much longer. He says he doesn't blame me and thinks about lossing me everyday because he can't find a job. If he does why isn't he trying his hardest to do so? Am I wasting my time waiting? should I give him a time frame? Maybe take a break until he figures it out? I don't want to throw away a good thing. I mean this is someone who I wanted to marry someday, but if him and a job are always going to be struggle I don't think I can do it.  

Answer
Dear Amanda,
I can understand your concerns completely and it is not too much to want a man who should be exactly that ~ a MAN!!  Give yourself a deadline and if he doesn't have a job by then ~ walk.  It's good that you are thinking about your future and here are some other things to consider... What if you get sick?? What about health insurance?  What about purchasing a home and other things?? Granted... money isn't the most important thing, but we do need it to survive and do you always want to be the bread winner?? For some people that works ~ the man stays home while the woman works, but it really is up to what you want in life and that appears to be someone of equal stature.... There is nothing wrong with that.... Set a deadline for yourself and stick by it.... Good Luck...