Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/8/2009

Question
Hi Erica,

Recently my girlfriend and I got into a fight..a day after when we were still being close and showing each other so much love. The issue was that her mom got in the way and started telling her to stay away from me just because I was chinese and my girlfriend noted that it was a "wake up call" to what she really wanted in life. I have asked her before if me being chinese and her being viet will affect our relationship and she said no, she gave me a chance and wants to be with me forever.

She's said these exact words to me before, and I know the love there was real..I saw it in her eyes, actions, everything she did for me was with so much love yet she says that she can't be with me because her love changed only after a day.

I asked her for a chance and she said if it didn't work out I would have to let it go..I accepted this, and tried to show her the love I had for her, and maybe help her remember and reminisce the beautiful times we had together.

I just kept getting shot down, and as each day passed I could not take it, I was being torn apart. I tried to stay strong and keep trying but the fact that the person who I thought was the love of my life suddenly wanted to withdraw all her love from me was terrible. She said she still wanted to be friends, but only friends. I love her to much to be just friends with her, I need her, I want her and I love her with all my heart and soul. I can't bare to see her with another man.

Instead of going on with the chance, I realized that I had done nothing wrong to deserve this heartache so I took a step forward and told her that I love her and said that I could not stay as friends with her. IF she did however want to work things out and commit to a relationship with me then I will consider it. I took the advice from another expert on this advice and did so. I said my goodbye and left.

But it just seems so hard..I'm worried about her, and worried that she's lonely and I'm wondering how she's doing..I just don't know what to do in this situation..should I try again and help her remember the love she had for me? Or should I continue to wait for her to call me back, if she even decides to..

Answer
Dear Simon,
I apologize it has taken me some time to get back to you ~ I did not set my vacation dates on my page..

Take care of yourself and worry about you ~ this was her decision and she needs to feel it and live with it.  If she misses you enough and wants to be with you then she will let you know.  Please don't waste alot of your time "hoping" that she figures it out because she may not.  It's very hard to want to be with someone that doesn't feel the same way about us.  Being friends right now isn't an option ~ it's too soon and too hard.... This hurts, but trust me trying to stay friends and not getting what you want from the friendship/relationship is a lot harder than letting go.  When you let go you eventually start feeling better and you do deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.  Keep telling yourself that this was her choice and that you have to take care of you ~ from that point.... time is the only thing that is going to help you get through this.... Good Luck and maintain your own self respect....