Expert: Julie - 2/28/2009

Question
Dear Julie,
I really hope you can help me. I don't have much friends and at this moment I need one.
My live in bf of over a year and I broke up.(we're both 25) It hurts so much because I still love him and because he blames everything on me. That's what happened: he tend to hurt me one way or another during fights or arguments for the most part. When I say I'm hurt he says I'm not and that I'm  being irrational. What I tend to do when he hurts me I shut down and don't wanna talk or see him anymore(he says I give him a silent treatment)and that's form of abuse! I tried to explain him that I need space and when I'm hurt I don't wanna see or talk to him. What hurts me the most is that he refuse to see it or accept it that he hurt me and I don't understand why. We broke up so many times over this year that it just makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. He's a nice guy he provided for me 100% financially and I didn't pay for thing. What I want to tell you is how I view relationship and I hope you would agree with me. I want my partner to be by my side caring for me when I'm sick,I want my partner to share his day,ups and downs,plans with me,be interested in my life and my goals and so on. Do you think I'm asking too much? That's what I was for him all this time and he never gave me that(after long arguments he would try,but after awhile he'll be back to his old self)
I'm hurt because I send him very nice and positive email and replied very angry saying that I'm abusing him by giving him silent treatment and that I'm terrible person basically) he said that he's disappointed that I didn't apologized to him,but he doesn't want to apologize to me for hurting me,he says its just all bull that he's not wrong in this case at all. Why ?? This so unfair! I noticed he has this quality of making me feel terrible guilty all the time or mostly when we're arguing and something is not going the way he wants it.

I don't know what to do with myself.

Also,because we lived together I worked part time only and never thought this would ever happen to me,but I have nowhere to go and I end up in the local shelter,so all this for me is twice as hard!

Thank you so much in advance!!"

Answer
To answer your question, no that is not a form of abuse what you were doing. The real silent treatment is not talking, and completly ignorning someone. You were just trying to make a situation worse so he was basically misreading you.

I'm happy to hear you found a place to stay and that your gonna look for another job!!!

things will work out, you'll see!