Expert: Julie - 2/18/2009

Question
About 3 months ago, I met am man I thought was wonderful.After 20 years of marriage and 2 kids, he was honest with me that he was done with both but liked my company.As time went on,we spent more and more time together, almost always initiated by him.Just this past weekend,he gave up the evening with his kids to have dinner with me which surprised and pleased me.Last night, I got a phone call that he thinks we need to "cool down" because he is not looking for a relationship and he "sees the signs" that I am.I am totally baffled and unaware of any "signs".The thing that really hurts is that he is the one who pursued me with gusto.I am hurting pretty badly?Will he come back?

Answer
So are you looking for a relationship with this man? If so you need to be honest with him as he's made it clear he's not ready for one. I would be baffled also..especially since he pursued you and made the plans to spend a lot of time with you then finally just cool things down. Its really hard to say if he will come back or not but what you don't want to do is push him away. Give him his space. Maybe he is getting scared that things are getting too serious and needs to take a step back to re evaluate everything and see what he really wants.
I'll tell you the worst thing you can do right now is to pursue him, or text him, call him or try to see him. That right there will guarantee to push him away.
I would just tell him you understand and let it go for now as hard as it is trust me I know.
But by doing this you are at least gaining your power back and giving him his space to figure out what he wants. Perhaps in this time period, he will miss you and your company. And then he will want to come back. No guarantees of course. But its your  best bet.

good luck