Expert: Julie - 3/30/2009

Question
My girlfriend and i have been together for a year and a half. We both have done our share of alcohol and drug abuse. I personally take a medication called lithium carbonate. It was prescribed to me 15 years ago for depression. One day out of the blue she snapped on me and said she knows I'm bipolar and i never told her. I spoke with my doctor and I am not. I get low never manic. The bad part was  when the break up occurred she called my employer with allegations that made me lose my job. Then she continually spreads lies around town. She is brutally abusing me emotionally and then backpedals saying she misses me and loves me . Forwhatever reason, i miss her. Even after ruining my job and reputation I keep wanting her back. She is very vindictive and hurt me badly. Why do I feel the need to win her back? Is it love that is forgiving her or is it the feeling of losing the game? I haven't snapped but it has been very hard. I stopped the drugs and drinking. Got on schedule with my meds. So I am dealing with drug addiction, alcohol and a break up. What else can i do? Move?

Answer
Well moving is up to you but your right, your dealing with enough on your plate right now and the last thing you need is her abuse. The only reason you want her back is not out of love but because your 'addicted' to her. I was in an abusive relationship and realized through counseling that is the reason we stay with people like that, we become somewhat addicted to them. Its not love.
You need to totally cut her out of your life, don't take her phone calls, don't have any sort of communication with her. Its like quitting your drugs and alcohol, you need to totally abstain from those and the same goes with your ex.

Good luck..Julie