Expert: Julie - 3/27/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi,

I had recently ended a two year relationship last September.. Although we had broken up, we were still seeing each other and still got physical a few times. In January this year she announced she was seeing someone else

I have two short questions.
That she was seeing someone else so soon makes me suggest she was seeing him before. Is that correct?

Secondly although we had broken up, inasmuch as we were still sleeping together i would say seeing another person amounts to cheating.

All these had created much disaffection and i would appreciate your opinion.

Thank you

P. S I initiated the break up

ANSWER: Well I wouldn't say she was necessarily seeing someone else before january, its possible she just met someone then. Of course unless she says otherwise its hard to say.
As for the cheating part, if you two are broken up and have no 'commitment' to each other then its not really considered cheating. Not unless you both had agreed to just sleep with one another and no one else...

I think it would probably be better for you both if you cut off whatever you were doing and just move on. It is usually complicated when two people break up and continue having a physical relationship. One or both will want more and if they can't have that, then they will eventually move on to someone who can offer that for them, which is probably what she did.

Good luck

Julie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks so much for taking time to read the question and the advice offered.

But there is a twist that makes it difficult to get her out of my mind, we work in the same office and we see each other everyday. And so we need to continue being cordial to each other. And i still get jealous when she is talking to him on phone or sending sms  and smiling etc if you get what i mean. I even took a vacation recently to get over it but it was still the same when i came back. unfortunately i cannot resign now.

Now i wish i dint even go into it in the first place. Is there a solution please?

ANSWER: Oh   I know what your going through. My ex and I work together too and exact same thing. It sucks especially since neither one of us refuses to leave the job. So I totally understand and sympathize. Alls I did, was I emailed him and we both came to an agreement to keep our personal lives private and to not be doing anything around each other that will make the other person upset so that the work environment can be more pleasant. I suggest you try doing that, let her know how it makes you feel and that you just want to focus on your work and not have the added stress of watching her text someone else and ask her to be more discreet.
I think the lesson learnt in our case, don't ever date anyone at work...

good luck

Julie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for the advice, but i dont thing she will.

As you said we have learnt our lesson

Regards

Ini

Answer
Your welcome.

Thats too bad she won't listen. If thats the case, just ignore her as much as possible. When my ex comes into the office, I just ignore him and don't even look at him, if he's around me I focus on the task at hand and do my best to ignore him. Sometimes its hard but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. I also started acting happy, texting people and acting in a good mood around him. Let me tell you, it bugged him and he asked why I was in such a good mood. I told him its none of his business and it bugs him.
Just act like what she does, doesn't bother you even if you have to pretend. Theres a chance she's also doing it to get under your skin..